This Truly is a HUMP Day...My Last Wednesday Before My Last Round of Chemo - October 24, 2012

"Kindness in words creates confidence.  Kindness in thinking creates profoundness.  Kindness in giving creates love."  - Lao Tzu

As we enter the last full week of October I prepare for my last round of chemo!  That's right...I've finally made it to round 6 and I am more than ready to have this chapter come to a close.  So many people say "it has gone really fast".  I promise you that it doesn't seem to go by quickly when it is happening to you.  The time between round 5 and round 6 seemed to stand still.  I've spent as many hours in bed as out of bed.  The last week was filled with fun and friends, but time did not move as rapidly as many think.  While life is going at a snail's pace, people in my life have not stopped rallying around me.  Cards, gifts, flowers, notes on Facebook, calls, texts, etc.  Everyone has been so very kind.  My heart overflows with love even when my body wants to give up and my mind can't remember what day it is.

I have a few busy days at work.  Conference call after conference call, projects due, and trying to cover all my bases before I go out for surgery.  I have high hopes of doing an extra 6 weeks of work during this time.  Then I won't leave projects undone or others responsible for things on my plate.  I'm probably trying to be more ambitious than I should, but I know that I will not have peace for weeks off of work if I can't settle my mind.  So I have to at least give it all a shot.  Unfortunately, my absence at work will cause others to have to pick up my slack.  My Catholic school girl guilt will have to take a rest!

Wednesday morning I head to the Loyola Homer location for my final blood draw.  Well, not really my final in life, but my final before chemo.  I stop and get Homecut donuts for the nurses that I will not see again. I guess the reality is that I hope I NEVER see them again.  Well, I wouldn't mind buying them a drink some day or running into them at Target, but I prefer to stay away from the cancer center!  Disappointment came quickly when I realized that Nurse Jacque would not be at my final chemo.  She's been with me since round 2.  She's been my steady person through this journey.  To add insult to injury, she is off tomorrow because she is heading to the Justin Beeber concert!  I think she's secretly excited about going to the show.  :)  She bought tickets for her daughter, Jenna.  I'm actually excited for the mother daughter team and their adventure.  Jenna has been planning her outfit for months and she will finally get to see The Beebs tonight.  In the true spirit of a young girl, Jenna truly believes that Justin will see her from the stage and they will live happily ever after.  Oh how I wish I still believed things like that.  Life would be so simple to be young again...simple worries about what to wear to a concert, screaming and going gaga over a teen heartthrob, having a crush, etc.  When did life get so complicated??

I stayed at the cancer center to make sure that my blood counts were not too low for tomorrow's treatment.  All the ladies from the back came out to wish me well.  Hugs from Jacque and Patty.  They looked at my pictures from Windy City Live and tried to pull the show up online.  We all laughed, chatted, and waited for my blood counts.  Finally, the results are in...drum roll please....ALL IS GOOD!  I am on track to get the 6th and final round.  My goodbyes are done and I head to work. 

Today included a few wonderful deliveries...a giant "cocktail" from some of my work WE at the ACS offices in Riverside and Chicago. 

"Cocktail" of flowers...almost as good as a dirty martini with blue cheese olives!

Homemade fig jam, napkins, and a little extra sparkle from Jenna of my Work WE.  I LOVE fig jam and cannot wait to taste it when my taste buds are back in line!  To eat it now would be my loss, so I will wait to enjoy every bit of it.  I can't stop thinking about a toasted baguette, fig jam, Gorgonzola, and honey...YUM!! 



A box of goodies that I can't wait to enjoy.  Thanks, Jenna!

 If life wasn't great enough already, Kristin and Kelly sent a fantastic delivery my way.  I was introduced to Crumbs earlier in the journey and I am over the moon to see a second delivery.  The gifts are a strange concept to me.  I hope you all know how much I appreciate your kindness, thoughts, and generosity.  Add a little chocolate to that and I'll owe you for life!  :)  I know my "thank you" notes are not going out fast enough and my writing is terrible because of the neuropathy, but please know that the gratitude I feel could never be expressed in words. 

BEST BOX EVER!!  Cancer brought these gems into my life.  So I guess cancer can't be all that bad...ok, who am I kidding! 

OMG...little works of art.  Cupcakes from Kelly and Kristin!  Great girls that I used to work with at ACS. 
We need a trip to Eno for wine!  Thanks, Ladies!  XOXO

I'm excited and nervous about tomorrow.  I've been waiting for this day for months, but I still have so many questions and concerns.  Plus, I know that the 6th round is going to be difficult on my body.  I just keep telling myself that it will all be over soon.  I keep telling myself that I am strong.  I keep doubting myself every moment.  Four rounds of chemo are protocol...six rounds of chemo better do the  trick!  The scary part is what will happen after tomorrow?  When will I find out if it all was worth it?  When will I find out if chemo actually worked?  To be honest I have prepared myself for the worst, but I hope and pray for the best.  How I wish I didn't over think everything!  Hundreds of questions and thoughts run through my brain, but the answers will not come soon enough.  I take notes of my questions and then try to put them on the back burner.

Eric and I go out to a quick dinner and then I came home to work and rest.  Time with Eric is easy.  He really doesn't ask questions and I can get away from cancer for a little while.  Part of me wishes that he would show interest in what is happening, but a bigger part of me likes that we don't really talk about it.  I guess I can't have it both ways.  Regardless, his friendship is a very important part of my life.

I started packing my "chemo bag" tonight.  I decided to change things up.  I didn't take the same bag that I have taken each time.  I left snacks and books behind.  The bag was full of stuff that we never used.  Maybe it is a symbol of all that has happened during this journey.  "Stuff" needs to be left behind.  Keep it simple.   Focus on who is important in my life.  Focus on moving forward...

Round 6 is just hours away...I'm excited, but nervous!  What exciting things does tomorrow have in store for you??

Be well...

XOXO,

Sue