Next On Center Stage...Zara! - July 10, 2012

"We have two options, medically and emotionally: Give up or fight like hell." - Lance Armstrong

We left Loyola and headed over to the ACS office in Riverside to grab a few wigs to try.  The chemotherapy that I will be taking will cause me to lose my hair around 14 days after I start treatment.  I'm not emotionally ready to go into one of our offices to try on wigs, so I text Marie to see if she would find a few that would work and meet me in the parking lot.  She is so kind and was happy to help.  I actually went in because our paths did not cross, but then went back out to meet her in the lot.  My Mom, Chris, and I headed to Naturally Yours.  It is a wig store located in Willowbrook and it is where I purchased my first wig in 2000.

I've done my research and I think I have a few in mind that I want to try.  My friend Kathy has some fantastic wigs, so I asked for brand names that she has used.  Upon arriving at the store we had to wait to see a stylist, so we started looking at hats and scarves.  I found a few hats that I liked and even a few scarves that I was willing to consider.  I really haven't decided what I will do when my hair falls out.  The last time I wore my wig all of the time, but I was in a different job and society was different.  Now you often see women walking around confidently with their bald heads.  I don't think I will be that girl, but I will not know until I cross that bridge.

They have a great selection of products and the store caters to women just like me.  Everything was going well until Mom and Chris sat down.  I then started to over think the process.  All my fears were coming to the front of my mind.  I don't want to lose my hair again.  I'm not ready for this all to be happening, but then again, I will NEVER be prepared to lose my hair.  The tears started flowing down my face.  I just couldn't hide my emotions from coming out.  I tried to stand in the jewelry area to hide the fact that I was crying, but it was obvious.  These are the times when I ask myself "why is this happening?"  I know I will never know that answer, but I can't help from asking the question.  The woman working the front desk brought me some tissues and I continued to cry in my little corner.  Shortly, my name was called and my stylist, Amy, was there to take me in a room.  I apologized for crying and of course she understood because she works each day with women just like me who are looking for a piece of "normal" during treatment.  I then had her go and get Mom and Chris to join us.  I cried for a few more minutes before I pulled myself together.  Amy and I talked about wigs and options.  I gave her the names of the ones that I wanted to try and she brought out additional options.  I tried on a few before my suggestion of Zara came out of the box.  Zara is a long, sexy, brunette wig.  The kind of wig that you would probably find on a stripper in Vegas..."Get your money out gentlemen...Next on center stage, ZARA!"   Well, Zara is my girl and I've joked that she comes with a stripper pole and glitter!  She's pretty much the same color as my hair, long enough to pull back in a ponytail, I can pull the sides up if I want, and she doesn't have bangs like my last wig!  I went with synthetic hair this time around.  I had a human hair wig the last time and I actually had bad hair days...I mean, it wasn't even my hair and I had bad hair days.  That just isn't right!  Luckily, Amy mentioned that I should not cook or bake while wearing Zara because she will melt! That was advice that I will definitely need.

We finished in the room and headed to the front of the store to order Zara.  Again, my emotions came in to play and my anxiety was at high levels.  I ordered quickly, left the hat that I wanted on the counter, and headed out the door.  I need air.  I needed to get away from a wig store that was symbolic of my first battle with breast cancer and is now playing a roll in my second battle.  Zara will be in next week, so I will be ready for the bridge I will cross when my hair falls out around July 25.

Next stop, home and bed.  I'm so sore from the biopsy this morning and I'm bleeding a ton.  I even sent a picture of the bleeding to Cindi and Jeff to make sure that I wasn't in bad shape.  Early to bed for me tonight, not that I will get any sleep.  Surgery and chemo start tomorrow...I'm NOT ready for this.  I'm not brave.  I'm not sure I can handle what Wednesday has to bring, but I don't have a choice.  Today is one of those day where I want to give up emotionally, so I cannot even imagine tomorrow.

XOXO,

S


PS. If you or a loved one are facing hair loss from cancer, please consider reaching out to the American Cancer Society.  We supply wigs, free of charge, to those battling cancer.  We also have a great program called "Look Good...Feel Better".  Visit www.cancer.org for more information or to find an ACS location near you.

Me and Zara...it's been a long day with lots of tears.

My biopsy area when I got home...OUCH!!

If you or anyone you love is facing cancer PLEASE reach out to the American Cancer Society.  Nobody should face cancer alone.   http://www.cancer.org/  or 800.227.2345.   24 hours a day 365 days a year.  WE are here for you.