I'm NOT Going to the Emergency Room for an Itch! - July 27, 2012

"Shit happens...mostly to me so don't worry!"

My port has been bothering me since it was "installed".  I didn't want it, so I keep trying to convince myself that it is psychological.  But it itches...it itches so much that I could pull it out myself.  The entire area has been red and itchy for a week now.  I gave into my craziness and called the nurse triage line to leave a message for Janine.  It was a pretty simple message that just said that it was really itchy and I was a little worried.  I don't know if anything is wrong, but I am hoping that Janine will call me back.  About a half hour later I get a call from Janine...she is in full panic mode because she has gotten the message that my port is seriously infected...WHAT!?!?!?  I just said that it is itchy and I hope that it is not infected.  Wow...the phone chain is failing.  Janine insisted that I go to the ER immediately.  Calmly, I tell her that is not happening.  How would I walk into the ER and say that I have an itch.  I mean, people are really sick in the ER, hurt, crazy...I just have an itch.  Granted, an itch that is driving me crazy and causing me concern, but it is still an itch.  So, I talked her off the ledge and convinced her to get me into the Loyola location nearest me.  Less waiting and knowledgeable nurses.  She made some calls and sent me on my way to Loyola in Homer.


I threw on a hat and scarf and headed to the facility.  Upon arriving I had to wait a few minutes and then Nurse Jackie called me back to a seat.  She looked at my port and was very concerned.  Then Nurse Patty came to look at the port...also concerned.  All I could think was that I didn't want this damn port in the first place and now it is screwing with me.  So, they poked and prodded and continued to worry. Patty quickly got on the phone with Dr. Robinson, Jackie started telling me that they will probably want to take the port out today, and I started to panic...I have a conference call in an hour...I have stuff to do. Patty came back to the area and said that I need to go to the main Loyola hospital right away.  I would need to go back to the Intervention Observation where they put the port in.  Are you kidding me??  How did a multi-day itch get so out of control.  Next thing they said..."you'll need a responsible driver".  That one always cracks me up. I left Homer and called my "responsible driver", otherwise known as my Mom.  I swung by picked her up and we headed to Maywood.  Friday and Chicago traffic, just what I need today.


When we arrived at the hospital I did what I was told and headed to the dungeon.  They really need to slap a few coats of paint down here.  I arrive in the room and they place me on a bed to wait for the doctor to arrive.  Here comes "Doogie Hawser", the resident that marked me up when I got my port last week.  He said "hey, I remember you."  I said "I remember you too, you put this darn thing in me, now fix it"...with a smile on my face. He's a talker.  Kind of guy you ask him what time it is and he tells you how to build a clock.  I think he thinks the more he talks the more he says, but he simply talks too much, and is a little green in his residency.  I explain what is happening, he asks the same questions over and over and then he goes to make a phone call.  After the call he comes back with ideas...he's been talking to the doctor to get suggestions. Next, he pulled out his magic marker.  He used it on me last week, so it might just be one of those things that he likes to do.  He proceeded to draw a dotted line around the entire rash area of my port and vain line.  When he left the cubicle area I looked down at my chest and said to my mom..."he just drew a penis on me".  She laughed so hard she was going to pee her pants.  I think I shocked her by saying it, but when she looked at my chest she agreed.  FML...I'm stuck in the dungeon and now I have a magic marker penis drawn around my port.


"Doogie Hawser" was gone for a while and I was getting impatient. We waited and waited.  No service on the phones, no bag of goodies because I didn't know we were coming, no iPad, no magazines, etc.  Thankfully there was a blanket on the bed because I was freezing.  Finally, "Doogie Hawser" was back and decided that he would give me heavy antibiotics to make sure that it wasn't an infection, but they didn't think they would take it out today.  Hopefully the meds will work and my body will start to accept the port in my chest.  The other options are that it is a dermatitis and my skin is just allergic to the materials that the port and the line are made of.  Of course, three people have looked at this and they have said they've never seen anything like it before.  He tells me to get dressed and he would write out my script.  Perfect, if we leave now we may not get stuck in Friday afternoon traffic.  I made it very clear to him that I have things to do tonight and I need to get out of here.  He gets all nervous, but the patients and nurses laugh.  I'm almost home free with my script in my hand and the phone rings.  "Doogie Hawser" answers the phone, says "yes, she's still here.  Uh huh, yes, yes, ok, thanks" Then he looks at me and says, "I think I'd like to do a chest X-ray."  Does he really think that I don't notice that there is a "Wizard" calling and telling him what to do?  So, back to my cubical to wait...and wait...and wait.  "Doogie Hawser" came by again and I reminded him that I have plans and would be leaving soon.  Finally my X-ray escort arrived.  A cranky lady that wanted to take the entire bed to X-ray.  I told her that I could walk and she grumbled.  I said that I just have an itch, but could jog there if I needed to, She then went to get me a wheelchair.  Finally, the nurse told her that I was ok to walk. She asked for my papers...I don't have any.  She asked to see my wristband, I don't have one.  She grumbled some more and then we finally started out of the room.  We walked down the hall together and she was somewhat yelling at me because I didn't have any paperwork or a wristband.  I was laughing because it wasn't my fault.  She stopped, called her supervisor, bitched about me, and then sent me back to the place I came from. She has decided that I was "illegal" and could not be taken to x-rays by her. I'm not faking it, look at me....no hair, red skin, magic marker penis...  I walked in and Doogie said "great, you're done.  You can go home when I look at the report."  Not so fast, Doogie..she won't take me and she sent me back because I don't have paperwork. Of course, he had to get on the phone to see what he should do.


Fortunately, I'm in a pretty good mood and finding humor in the cluster of a situation. The lady next to me just kept smiling and shaking her head...she felt my pain.  She was there to get her port taken out and probably understood the challenges that I was facing that day.  Finally, they came back with paperwork, I wet to X-ray and it took about 1 minute.  Back to my cubicle I went.  They were going to escort me, but I'm starting to know my way around the dungeon.  Apparently, Doogie has gone into surgery at this point, so I have to wait for him to finish.  It is not looking good for traffic.  We are going on 3 PM. I've decided that we need to leave no later than 3:15 to get out of sitting for hours.  We waited and waited and waited.  Finally, I stood up, got dressed, and made it very obvious that I was ready to leave.  The nurse was getting nervous and trying to find Doogie.  She had watched all day and things were a mess and I think she felt badly for me.  I simply told her that I was leaving no later than 3:25...with or without Doogie looking at my X-ray.  She said that she did't blame me.  A little after 3 he walked back in the room and said "you're still here?"  I said "Where the heck have you been?"  Did he take a nap, go to lunch, forget about me.  Doogie, I'm leaving...what are the plans?  The placement of the port looks good, I have the script for antibiotics, and now we will wait until Thursday to see how things are going.  We quickly walk out of the dungeon and head to my car...me, my 'responsible driver', and my magic marker penis on my chest.  We were walking fast, but both stopped when we saw the family with their two new little twins...one boy, one girl...both little miracles of life.


Finally to the car and on the road to home.  I had a message on my phone and was sad to hear that Keri is leaving our team at work.  Staying at ACS, but taking on a new challenge. So many changes are happening at ACS.  Transformation is causing stress across the country and we are all worried about our jobs.  I'm fighting for my life right now, but I know that there may come a point soon where I will have to fight for a job.  It is an obstacle that I just don't have the energy for now.  It also makes me sad because I know there are some people that I may never have the opportunity to see again.


Thank God!!!  We made it out of the hospital just in time for Friday afternoon traffic...exactly what I was hoping for!  :(  It took us about an hour and a half to get home.  A very long day for an itchy port and a temporary penis tattoo.  Dropped Mom off, visited the new kitty (who likes me best), then headed home to get ready to go watch the Olympics Opening Ceremony from the pool at Jeff and Cindi's.  They are making me dinner and I have nothing to contribute because I spent the day in the dungeon.


I absolutely LOVE the summer Olympics!  It reminds me of my youth. Nadia Comaneci was my idol as a kid.  Bela Karolyi should be about 110 if my math is right.  Greg Luganis on the diving board.  The Russians used to rule the games.  The Summer Olympics were on every four years.  Mary Lou Retton winning Gold in 1984.  Steffi Graf in '88. The 'Dream Team' winning the Gold in '92, Jennifer Capriati winning singles and Shannon Miller just missing Gold.  My list of memories around the games could go on and on.  I am excited to spend the evening watching the opening ceremony with friends.


We spent much of the evening in the pool.  At one point I couldn't figure out why my sunglasses kept falling off my head.  As I walked in to the house I saw my reflection and realized that I have no hair to hold them on.  I laughed to myself.  I think I forgot that I had spent the day bald and I am getting used to it.  As the night moved on we stayed in the pool watching the opening on the tv at the bar.  Stephanie and the boys stopped by after a baseball game.  It was dark out at the point and I had once again forgot that I was bald.  The boys ran to the car and I quickly remembered. "Steph, do the boys know that I'm bald?"  She tells me that she showed them a picture so that they would be prepared.  Max seems good with it, but Jackson is leery.  But, let's face it, Jackson is usually leery of me.  :)  I mentioned that he hadn't even looked at it.  Steph laughed and said "Yes, he did.  He looked at it out of the corner of his eyes like he does when he sees his Momma naked...he's curious, but not really looking."  The boys got in the pool and played and then Cindi suggested that they rub my bald head.  I agreed.  Jackson just looked at Max and said "You do it Max."  We laughed.  Oh, the innocence of an 8 year old.  Of course, Max was brave and gave it a quick rub.  In some ways the mood was lightened.  I don't want the kids to be uncomfortable around me.  I'm the same exact "Sue", just a new look for a little while.


This may have been the longest opening to the Olympics EVER!  Dramatic and grand.  And of course, my breath is taken away as the USA walks on the track.  I cannot begin to imagine the pride they all must feel.  I'm overcome with emotions just thinking about it.


Long, long day...finally over.  Still itching, but still laughing...as long as I can laugh I can live with this silly itch.  Time for bed.


XOXO,


S

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