Where's The Light at the End of this Tunnel - September 6, 2012

I've come to the conclusion that 3 AM knows all my secrets.


I heard years ago that if you wake up at 3 AM it is the "devils hour". It is also the time that I tend to wake up daily. That time when I always look at the clock and think "ugh...why am I awake at 3 AM? I don't know if this is true but this 3 AM definitely felt like the devil was out to get me. My throat is still bothering me and it feels a million times worse when I'm in bed. Ok, that's a slight exaggeration, but it feels terrible. I was awoken in a coughing fit. Coughing so hard that I couldn't stop and finally coughing so hard that I made myself sick. Not a good way to start off the day especially when I'm already feeling crappy about having to get stuck at home because I'm avoiding germs. The reality is that my body can be my own worse enemy when it comes to fighting off the bacteria that naturally lives inside of us, but I need to focus on things in my control. Today I can control skipping a face to face meeting and calling in for the day. Conference calls are hard enough to stay focused and a full day call with a poor connection makes it even more difficult. But if I can avoid getting sick for the next 12 days I can focus on going to the Relay Summit. I cried a few times during the call, but I am hopeful that nobody knows because I won as mute. I'm stressed about potentially missing Summit and I'm sad that some of my duties are being distributed to others. We need to cover our butts in case I can't go, but I hate to feel as though I'm not pulling my weight on our biggest training opportunity of the year. Tears of frustration, but I'm at the point of giving things up more freely because I'm at the point of needing help. We have workloads that are impossible to carry while healthy. I'm giving 110% each day, but I guess that 110% changes while ill and takes 200% more time to get it all done.

Lunch was spent getting another shot at the Homer location. Day 2 of 7 down. Then I head back to work and the rest of the conference call. Mom and Dad are both at my house helping out. They have been a God send during this whole ordeal. Mom helps clean and Dad works in the yard. Dad also brought beautiful roses to brighten my day. Around 6:30 I put fresh sheets on and move to bed to work. My body hurts badly daily. It is from the drugs that are helping me but some days there is just not a light at the end of this tunnel. I'm ready for it all to be done and behind me. Still trying to make sure that I laugh more than I cry, but it is not easy every day. In my mind I'm almost half way done with the process.

I have an email on Facebook from a girl I went to high school with. She had a biopsy yesterday and is waiting for the results. I feel for her. The waiting is the hardest part. The not knowing. The fear that comes along with a potential cancer diagnosis. The fear of the unknown. I offer help in any way possible and then missed her call when I was out getting a shot. I am hopeful that I can help. We are all so different but I have a lot of resources through work. If you ever have a scare or hear the words "you have cancer" please do not go through the journey alone.

My friend Barb is also having challenges with her health. Fingers crossed and lots of prayers that it is not related to her cancer. Her strength is amazing. Sending prayers and love to Iowa. Go Hawks! Until they play Northwestern...then GO CATS!

Another big happening today in Joliet...Drew Peterson is convicted. Congrats to Jim G and his team. What a great accomplishment. Jim said we are both going to win. Well he won is battle. Now I need to win mine.

I also received an email from a family member that has always meant a lot to me. Sadly I have not heard from him since we found out that I was sick again. I can honestly say that I have been very hurt by his absence, but at least I understand somewhat why he has shown no interest. I can't say that I feel a lot better from reading the note, but it is not my place to judge why others make the choices they do. People approach things differently. I'm approaching everything differently this time. I teared up reading the email and sent a simple reply. I don't think things will ever be the same between us, but who knows. I guess I'll find out at the next family holiday.

Off to bed. Sleep well my friends.

XOXO,

S

Flowers from my Daddy!  They brighten my day.

If you or anyone you love is facing cancer PLEASE reach out to the American Cancer Society.  Nobody should face cancer alone.   http://www.cancer.org/  or 800.227.2345.   24 hours a day 365 days a year. 
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Posted with Blogsy

Word of the Day SEGS - September 5, 2012

"Don't Underestimate the Seductive Power of a Decent Vocabulary"

I learned a new word today.  New words are pretty common in a health journey.  I thought I learned most during the first battle, but I have a whole new vocabulary since June. You are subjected to all kinds of words that you have never heard of, can't spell, and often times are unable to pronounce.  The word of the day is SEGS.  I guess it isn't really a word it is abbreviation.  

I woke up in a much better place today.  Sorry about yesterdays rant and bashing of a beloved nationwide pharmacy.  I could have been a lot worse and ranted more based on the pain from throat sores.  Trust me the swearing in my head when I try to swallow is pretty bad.  I'm early to the office today...ok, I work from home much of the time, but today I was particularly early for work and I even showered and was ready for the day.  Dressed in real clothes and not just my Old Navy v-neck tee.  "Lunch" is spent getting my blood work as agreed upon to go off of Neulasta.  The deal was that I would get weekly complete blood counts (CBC) on Wednesdays.  So, I'm holding up my end of the bargain.  Right when I get half way to the Homer location I remember that I forgot to put the numbing cream on my port...ugh!!  That means it is going to hurt when that access my port.  Fortunately, I mentioned that I forget the medicine and they suggested ice.  I numbed my port area and then Jackie took my blood.  I wanted for the CBC to be processed.  Just me and a little lady next to me in the chairs along the wall when you walk in.  She was very sweet and appears to be on a long term treatment plan.  When the initial results come back from the lab I am told that my white blood counts are up a bit and I get to head home.  Pretty excited that I did not have to get the Neupogen shot!!!  My body is working with me!  My counts are heading in the right direction!  My.....wait a minute....I get almost all the way home and my cell phone is ringing.  The caller ID says "Loyola Homer".  It's Jackie and she is telling me that I need to come back to the office.  While the immediate results were showing higher white counts, the SEGS were too low for safety.  The way I understand things, SEGS are the "fighters" in your white blood cells.  You need the SEGS to fight for the immune system.  SEGS are a part of the neutrophil granulocytes which are an abundant type of white blood cells and form an essential part of the immune system.  They are the predominant cells in pus.  They are recruited to the site of injury or illness within minutes following trauma and they are the main reason for acute inflammation. SEGS account for 50 - 70% of your white blood cells.  Am I losing you let???  Yes, I am doing my research and trying to understand it all, but this one is hard to put in "human terms".  All I know is that I do not have enough, the nurses and Dr. Robinson are very concerned and I am driving back to Loyola for a shot.  The plan was that I would start Neopogen in the counts went too low.  I would also have to avoid hugging, touching, eating fruits, fresh veggies, etc.  Basically, I would have to continue to do my best to avoid germs.  Clearly I did not do a very good job of it in the past week, but I still need to watch my mental health as much as my physical health.  

Maybe I already explained the drug.  I really can't remember so I will give a brief overview.  Neupogen is in the family of drugs that is used to treat neutropenia which is the condition that causes the body not to create enough neutrophils (see above).  Neupogen helps my body make these cells that are much needed.  The doses are smaller than Neulasta and given daily for 7 days.  So we have high hopes that I will not experience the pain of the past drug.  Ok...this is all getting too technical.   Jackie gives me the shot in my arm.  It burns and stings, but it is quick.  She also noticed that my port was looking funky and suggested neosporin.  All of this leads up to me figuring how to call into two meetings tomorrow at the office because I cannot be around people, cancelling Friday night dinner plans with Dave for a competitive casino shop in Indiana, and making plans to stay close to home for the next week.  I had teased Dave that I wouldn't go to the buffet because I've watched too many 20/20 episodes.  Now I have reinforcement that buffets are bad for my health.  I also need to make plans to get my shot closer to home.  Loyola is working with my insurance to get approval for me to give myself the shot.  Let's face it, that is NOT going to happen.  Who would catch me when I pass out?  So I have already reached out to Amy to see if she or Don would be free the net 6 mornings to give me a shot. She is kind enough to say yes and I am elated that I have friends that are nurses.  Works out even better that there are two under one roof.  Eric is in Canada fishing or he would have been recruited.

The rest of the day/night is spent working, eating popsicles/jello/pudding for my throat, and getting achy from the shot.  The pain is in my arms, butt, and hips.  It increases throughout the day and my legs start hurting in the evening.  It is not as bad as when I had Neulasta but I can't help but wonder if 1 shot is better than 7.  My biggest fear right now is that I will not be able to go to our Relay Summit that starts two weeks from today.  

I took a painkiller, flipped channels, and spent some time texting with Mary from my work WE.  We shared insurance gripes.  Mary's husband has been fighting cancer and she understands what it is like to fight with the insurance and pharmacies.  I guess there is comfort in knowing that we are not alone in the fight against big business.While we text Honey Boo Boo is on in the background (sorry, Dad). At least I can watch a few seconds of this show and think that my life is FANTASTIC!  

After I'm done texting with Mary I sent the picture of Kelly Pickler and her best friend with their shaved heads to Gina, Steph, Cindi, and Kim.  I'm not sure why those bitches didn't shave their heads with me!!!  C'mon, Gina's would have totally grown back in two weeks!  KIDDING!!!  I'm too good of a friend to allow someone to join me...unless it's a man.  Bald men are sexy!

My night ends with emails back and forth with my Mom. Have I mentioned how much I love that she emails??/  Brenda, if we can get you texting we could be besties!  Mom is also watching Honey Boo Boo...she's possibly the President of the fan club, but she's a closet watcher.  She has to change the channel when my Dad enters the room.  The show is ridiculous, but my Mom cries laughing wile watching it.  Laughter is the BEST medicine, so maybe she is on to something!  Plus, my Mom is from the South...maybe she's watching some, long lost relatives.  YIKES!!!!

XOXO,

S

Kelly Pickler ( I think that's her name) & her best friend

Me & Henry.  He doesn't sit still long enough for pictures.

To make my Mom laugh and to see if my Dad scrolls to the bottom.  PLUS...that's a whole lotta pink to love.


If you or anyone you love is facing cancer PLEASE reach out to the American Cancer Society.  Nobody should face cancer alone.   http://www.cancer.org/  or 800.227.2345.   24 hours a day 365 days a year. 

What Is It Going to Take For You to Help Me? - September 4, 2012

"Some people come into our lives and leave footprints on our hearts.  Others come into our lives and make us want to leave footprints on their faces."  :)

This may surprise you...I didn't sleep much last night.  It seems to be a trend with my entries, but it has actually been a trend for much of my adult life.  I just can't turn off my brain to sleep.  Last night's lack of sleep was from coughing, throat pain, and the fact that I simply could not get comfortable.  I called Walgreens first thing in the morning to see if my script was ready...ummm, no it is not ready because they were still waiting to talk to my insurance.  Seriously?!!!  What part of "just fill it and I will pay" did they not understand.  The reality is that my debate has been more about principle than money when it comes to fighting with Walgreens and insurance.  Part of me likes the battle and all of me knows that it is a money fight between the two of them.  I just keep thinking that they are going to eventually see the human side of things.  Well, I have been in pain and the human side of me wants the compound!  Again, you would think that my insurance would want for me to eat and sleep and get well.  I truly believe in big business, but they are pissing me off and I don't have the energy to be angry.

I spent the day working and crawled under the covers at 7.  My throat seems to get worse when I try to lie in bed.  I try to get comfortable and I have been compulsively checking my Walgreens iPhone/iPad app all day to see if my script is ready.  Finally I dragged myself out of bed, got dressed, and headed to Walgreens. In my mind I think that they will see how pathetic I look today and hand over my drugs.  Maybe they just need to see my sad face, darn circles, and bald head.  The lady at the counter took my name and looked to see if the compound was ready.  Apparently they have not started working on it but "maybe it will be ready tomorrow morning".  Maybe?  Do I look like I can take the word "maybe"?  I started crying at the counter then grabbed popsicles, Cepacol, Kanka, throat spray, etc.  Pretty much anything I can think of that may relieve the discomfort.  I pay and get in my car.  I am crying out of frustration and decide to call my insurance company AGAIN.  I didn't listen to the props and picked #2 but knew that I picked the wrong one right away.  A young man named Ryan answered the phone.  I'm sure that a few seconds into the call he wished he would have transferred me.  He got an ear full and I wasn't giving up.  I explained the situation, told him how long it's been going on, and simply choked out the words "I need somebody to help me."  He then said that I needed to "shop around" the prescription.  Wrong answer, Ryan.  I cried and told him "I have cancer.  Why isn't anyone helping me?  What is it going to take for you to help me?"  Ryan was silent.  To be honest I thought he may have hung up on me.  Then he calmly said "I can try to figure something out."  He put me on hold and called Walgreens.  Then came back and told me that the problem was that Walgreens was not holding up their end of the bargain on contracting and did not want to fill the script because they would not get enough money.  I then said "please help me find a location that will fill the script."  He puts me on hold and I was home by this point, eating a popsicle and calming down.  After 49 minutes on the phone Ryan has found me a pharmacy that will not only fill my prescription the will fill it before they close tonight and they are minutes from my home.  Thank you Ryan!  Thank you for helping me tonight.  You are the fourth person that I have spoken with from your company, but you are the only one that took the time to help me and fix the problem.  You could have easily told me that "it wasn't your job" because it wasn't.  You went out of your way to get me the medicine that I needed and you listened to me when I hit rock bottom with my fight against big business.

While I was on hold I was texting Gina and Cindi.  They both offered to leave the other side of town to go get the medicine for me.  I replied that I could pretty much stick my head out my bedroom window and reach the pharmacy.  Plus, it was 9:30 at night.  13 minutes after I got off the phone with Ryan I had a call from CVS.  My compound was ready.  Yes...I have been waiting since last Wednesday for a compound that was able to be mixed and filled within 13 minutes.  So bald me in my jammies went to the drive-thru at CVS and picked up my "liquid gold".  It cost a little over $7 because it was covered by my insurance it just needed to be coded properly.  I made it there and back in minutes and had my first drink of the mucositis medicine.  YUCK!!!!  It looks like a pale version of Pepto, but taste terrible.  Regardless...it works!!

Cranky, but tired!  Happy that Ryan answered the phone tonight!  People come into your life when you need them.  Tonight I needed Ryan.

XOXO,

Sue

If they make a movie of my life I would like to have "Ryan" played by Matthew Gray Gubler.  Unless I get a boyfriend or get married...then I would like for Matthew to play my boyfriend/husband!  ;)

Apparently this is "liquid gold"!

Oddly enough I found this on Pintrest...weird!  Why would you pin this???

If you or anyone you love is facing cancer PLEASE reach out to the American Cancer Society.  Nobody should face cancer alone.   http://www.cancer.org/  or 800.227.2345.   24 hours a day 365 days a year. 

I'm Learning the Power of Going Away For the Weekend and Keeping Myself Company - August 31 - September 3, 2012

"I just don't sleep on weekends.  Scratch that...I just don't sleep."


Friday, August 31, 2012

So, I really didn't get to go away, but I am spending a lot of time getting to know myself better.  Up and going early for a day off.  Pretty excited about my long weekend...4 days off of work and I am going to do my best not to work.  Granted, I have already sent 5 emails to myself with things to do when I get back to work on Tuesday.  I haven't actually looked at my laptop, but I can't turn off my brain or phone.  How does one truly stop working???  I'll take any and all suggestions!

I haven't been sleeping well because my throats sores are hurting badly.  So I decide to run early morning errands before I plan on staying home for the majority of the weekend.  Well, my day started early and went much later than I had planned.  First I ran to Whole Foods to get vitamins and a few other things.  Then Target to stock up on Lysol, antibacterial wipes, bleach, etc.  All the stuff that should help keep me healthy and keep germs at bay.  I also had to stock up on baking supplies for Neda's new grandson to be.  After shopping I had lunch with Cindi and Kim.  Cindi arrived first and wiped the table, chair, menu, etc. with antibacterial wipes.  Then I came in with plastic wear.  I'm sure that the waitress thought we were crazy, but she didn't say a word.  I made sure that all my food was cooked well, not fresh fruits or veggies.  Being as safe as I can be.  Then Cindi and I ran a few more errands for the day.  We got a lot done, visited with Kevin & Kelly, and then I headed home to bed.  I'm not actually tired (shocking), but my body is sore.

Once I'm home there is a great article that I read about cancer.  It is written by an oncologist that talks about cancer being a noun and not an adjective.  It really makes me think.  So many things describe me but all too often cancer is in the description.  I'll meet someone who knows someone who knows me and they know me as "so and so's friend with cancer".  I'd rather be "so and so's friend who loves to bake..or works too many hours...or enjoys red wine...or has little feet...or makes a great bloody Mary...or is a good cook.  I happen to have cancer, but I have so many passions.  
"In an ideal world, all of us would be defined by who we are, who we love, our passions, and our accomplishments.  I don't believe that any of us should be described by whatever medical condition we happen to face.  In oncology, it is an ideal that we should embrace, to ensure quality care for those who have entrusted us, literally, with their lives." Don S. Fison, MD, FACP.  Something to sleep on tonight.

http://connection.asco.org/Commentary/Article/ID/3285/Is-Cancer-an-Adjective.aspx

Saturday, September 1, 2012

It's a rainy day.  I'm in a little bit of a funk, but I have so much to do.  Today's Bailey's birthday so I get an morning text with a picture of the birthday girl opening her gifts in Michigan.  I love to see the pictures and it makes me miss the weekend even more.  As the rain came down and my funk grew larger mt front doorbell rings.  I almost didn't answer, but the man was persistent.  He had a beautiful bouquet of flowers to brighten a crumby day....all the way from Danielle in Florida!  I have to say that lately I get cards and gifts exactly when I need a pick me up!  The bright flowers are perfect today and they give me a much needed lift to get things done.

Frank isn't feeling well today...or maybe he's feeding off my mood.  Henry is getting into everything around the house.  I can hear cupboards banging and things getting thrown off the counters, bookshelves, etc.  On gloomy days when I'm stuck at home it is good to have four-legged company.  They don't complain, they like to cuddle, and they talk a ton...well, Frank does.

I spend the day baking 6 dozen cupcakes for the shower.  Well, I burnt a dozen, so only 5 dozen survived.  I don't remember the last time that I ruined a batch and to be honest I'm not sure how it happened today.  I can't rally taste what I'm cooking/baking and now I'm burning things...UGH!!!  

The highlights of the day are text, videos, and pictures from Michigan.  I promised that I wouldn't share on the blog but I was crying laughing when the video came across my phone. Let's just say "shake it Chris!".   The weather may not be perfect, but the cocktails look cold and the laughter seems to be plenty in MI!  Yet another weekend that I should be spending in Michigan with the Papesh Family.  Pretty bummed that I am stuck at home but my counts are still low and I am a little nervous about getting too far from home and being in a full house.  Luckily, they were able to "rent" my room out for the weekend to Dave & Laurie.  

Also spent more time today trying to get the medicine for my throat and mouth sores.  Quality time on the phone with Walgreens and my insurance...good times!  After being told that it was being made and covered by insurance a couple of days ago I am back to being told that it wasn't made and isn't being covered.  I told Walgreens to make it regardless of the cost.  Apparently my insurance would rather pay for me getting super sick from not eating because of mouth and throat sores.  I'm sure that will cost them a lot more than the medicine that my doctor prescribed.  Ugh...more big business issues.  A full day in the house.  :(

Sunday, September 2, 2012

The sun is shining today and I decide to leave the house.  First stop is a cupcake delivery.  These will be the last cupcakes that I make while on chemo.  I don't want to ruin the joy of making something that I love and chemo is taking that joy away.  I then do a quick stop at the Apple Store for help with my iPad.  If I'm going to be spending so much time at home I am going to have my favorite toy!  It is a quick in and out when they first open, so there are bot too many people or too many germs.  Then I get an invite from Jennifer for lunch.  Taylore is home for the weekend and Jim is cooking.  I make sure that everyone is healthy in the house and then decide to go.  It is a relaxing couple of hours of laughing, telling stories, and visiting...just what the doctor ordered.  And Johnnie (Jennifer's Dad) made me chili to take home!  Well worth the stop.  The day didn't last too long, I blogged and went to bed early.  The more time I spend in bed the happier I am that I bought a new mattress in the Spring! But I also realize that someday I need to redecorate my bedroom that has been the same since I was 23...I definitely need new pillows...and my blanket has been washed too many times.  

Monday. September 3, 2012

The last day of my 4 day weekend.  The plan has been to go to the lake with Cindi & Luke to visit Cyndi and Stone.  They have a beautiful property that is relaxing.  I can sit out in the sun and pretty much rest all day.  I decided to bake one of my favorite cakes...vanilla wafer cake...but it didn't come out of the pan in one piece. Epic fail.  What is happening to my baking skills?!?!  I may not be able to taste things but I never burn or under bake.  My taste buds and timing are off.  The cake is quickly replaced by my "famous" deviled eggs.  Well, famous in my mind...that's all that counts.  We head to the lake.  Luke is driving.  I'm not gonna lie...I was nervous being in the back seat, but he has a perfect 10 & 2.  Just like my Mom.  I thought that it was going to be a small crowd but the whole family was there.  It is great to see everyone but I try to keep my distance from all the kids.  I never actually got wet, but I did go on the jet ski with Becky (Rebecca).  It was so hot out and the fresh air felt amazing.  More importantly, my scarf stayed on through the time on the jet ski.  The only bad thing about all the fresh air was the fact that it aggravated my already soar throat and mouth.  Fortunately I had my Biotene gel and mouthwash with me to relieve some of the pain.  I had a great day at Cyndi and Stone's.  Relaxing, sitting in the shade, going on the pontoon, laughing when we were pulled over on the boat, visiting with friends that I love dearly...but I couldn't wait to get home.  My body is tired and my head hurts.

Another call to my insurance & Walgreens...still no compound for my throat.  :(

Sleep well!

XOXO,

S

Flowers from Danielle

Jet ski on Lincoln Lake...don't worry...I didn't drive!

Me and Rebecca

If you or anyone you love is facing cancer PLEASE reach out to the American Cancer Society.  Nobody should face cancer alone.   http://www.cancer.org/  or 800.227.2345.   24 hours a day 365 days a year. 

Welcome to My Recovery Team - August 27 - 30

"The body does not want you to do this.  As you run it tells you to stop but the mind must be strong.  You always go too far for your body.  You must handle the pain with strategy...it is not age; it is not diet.  It is the will to succeed."

Working to keep my mind strong.  You are ALL helping me do that!  ;)

August 27 -- August 30

The week is starting with a day off. My plan is to spend the majority of the day in bed. It is strange to actually plan days that will be spent in bed. Typically, we are pleasantly surprised by days in bed and now I am actually scheduling them. I did venture out for lunch. The kids started school today at St. Paul's so I plan on meeting Amy, Mary, Andrew and the girls at Applebee's. I was feeling "off", but it is good to get out and the day was beautiful. The girls had a fun first day at school...well, I guess a fun first couple of hours. Abby and Ashley have already broken the uniform rules, they have great grade school gossip, and they are just fun to talk with. Andrew is being 100% boy during lunch...cute, funny, and instigating the girls. I can't help but think that Eric was just like his nephew at that age. Nothing but trouble with a great little smile! It's great to spend time with a family that means so much to me. Mary starts treatment again this week. Today is a little bit of normal for all of us.

After lunch I head back home. The pain in my hips, legs, and arms is growing. Nothing that a little rest can't cure. In the mail I have a great little goodie bag from Brook. She and I work together at ACS. She's part of my Work WE. It is one of those notes that has arrived at exactly the point that I need it. There's not a day that has gone by that I have not received a card. Everyone one is a cherished gift from people that are thinking of me. I have a box that I keep them all in. I had a box the last time and made sure to get one for this journey. I never want to forget all of the kind thoughts and prayers that are sent my way. Today's could not have come at a better time. I've mentioned that I have considered stopping blogging. But Brook reminded me that the blog is helping others. She sent cupcake holders, a great pink hat, etc. More importantly she sent encouraging words. My journey is helping to refresh her fight against cancer. She's joined a boot camp...10 weeks with strength training & kickboxing - sounds familiar... to get in shape and appreciating each day with her family. I cried while reading her note. Tears of joy. Tears that this journey is helping others even on days that it is kicking my butt. I'll never know why it happened twice, but I am hopeful that it helps others. Today Brook reminded me that out of a tough situation good can come. Others have told me that the blog has helped and reminded them that life is precious. Brook explained that we have keeping people at arms length in common and that she is also trying to let others in. Thank you, Brook! I needed it today! I needed the note as a reminder...more than you'll ever know.  And I love what you wrote in your email - "Sue wants to do this and cant, I can, I should, I should be thankful for my health and do the class in Sue's honor". So for you I will go kick the crap out of a bag!"  Beat the crap out of that bag and I'll work on beating the crap out of cancer!  More importantly...do the class for YOU, the boys, and your family!  If you are healthy you can take care of the rest of them.

I've been craving comfort food and whipped up some chicken and dumplings. Off to bed and rest.

Tuesday is here and my body is still exhausted. Today I can simply wonder "can you work while laying down?" Or is it lying down? Ugh..my grammar, spelling, and punctuation left weeks ago. Deal with it...I am. Seriously, I can't think of the simple words that are used daily. I have constantly changing words with others that I can spell and chemo brain appears to be in full force. GREAT!!! It will only get worse. :( Work is crazy today. Too much to do and too few hours. I take a break late in the day and run food over to Mary's house. When I get home there are two gifts at my house. One is from Neda. She's left cupcake wrappers for the baby shower that I am baking for this weekend and a couple of great dish towels with cupcakes on them! 

The other is a gift from Keri. My friend...part of my Work WE! There is a beautiful note and the book "Chicken Soup For The Surviving Soul". The book is the exact book that she gave to her friend Mike when he was battling cancer. Sadly, Mike lost his battle with cancer. The loss brought Keri to ACS and to her life purpose of fighting this disease. The book was in a box of belongings that his Mom gave to Keri. Here is the note inside the cover of the book:

Mike,

The difference between being a victim & a survivor is all in the attitude.

I have no doubt in my mind that you will not only beat this horrible disease but you will always have the right attitude about being called a survivor.

Love you,

Keri

I appreciate the book, the notes, the words. It reminds me that I need to keep a positive attitude through this journey. I wanted to call Keri to thank her, but the tears were coming down too hard and I couldn't speak. I simply sent a text to thank her and I told her that I will read the book, but I will also return it when my journey is done. There are things in life that you should give on loan. In my mind, Keri should always have this special book that she gave to someone she loved...will always love. Thank you, Keri. Your energy, ease of giving love, and attitude against this disease are like no others.

My day of work continued with a conference call. My words didn't come easily, I was out of breath for most of it, and I forgot some of the details...who the heck am I??? A twelve hour work day proves to be too much. Bed can not come quickly enough.

Wednesday starts with an early morning text the from Jim G. I had made him a strawberry rhubarb pie. He simply thanked me for the pie and said that we are "both going to win!"  Simple words that meant so much and made me smile. He's up against Drew Peterson and I'm up against cancer...I'm not sure who has a more evil appointment. I work a bit and then head out to get my Wednesday blood work. Nurse Jackie takes my blood and I wait for the results. While I wait she mentions that she has read the blog...YIKES!!! So my waiting turns into wondering if I've said anything that I should not have said. The truth is that I really like Jackie and I hope that I have not offended her. She keeps me calm, listens, and has my best interest in mind. Let's face it...she comes at me with needles! You don't want to piss off someone who uses sharp objects on your body! My white blood counts are very low. I'm still new with the white cell count knowledge. These cells are the ones that fight off infectious disease and foreign materials. Well, I apparently don't have enough white cells to do their job. Both of the nurses are concerned and Jackie calls Dr. Robinson. I waited to hear more details, but finally had to return to work. Jackie gives me a call and tells me that Dr. Robinson is concerned about my counts, but wants to hold off on intervening with shots. I need to be cautious. Wash my hands often, stay away from sick people, no hugs, no fresh fruit, no fresh veggies, no buffets (no problem), no germs, etc. Looks like I may need to consider buying a bubble to live in. I wonder if I can get that bedazzled. Dinner is spent with Eric. It's the last day of one of my Groupon deals. I've let a few slip, but thought this would be a good break. So, I put on Zara and we head to dinner. Oddly enough, Eric has spent the most time with Zara. I think I wear her to make him more comfortable. Or maybe it is for me to feel more comfortable around him.  Luckily, he had to head into work tonight. I could not have kept Zara on for much long and I started feeling pretty terrible during dinner. It was the longest ride home and my stomach was upset. I cracked the window, tried to keep my mind off of feeling ill, and wondered if he could drive any slower. He reminds me so much of my Dad and he never misses seeing what is along the road and what others are doing. But I wish he would realize when I'm feeling "off". Maybe I simply need to stop pretending that I am feeling well when I'm not. Home and ready to rest.

I haven't written a blog in a couple if weeks. I've been in a funk and wondered if I have shared too much. The response to my journey has been nothing short of amazing, but I don't typically share my life with so many people. It has taken some time to get used to, but I keep hearing how I've helped others. Or how you've joined the gym (please know that I'm jealous), how you've taken more time with your family and friends, or how you've gained a new appreciation for your journey in life. Maybe my little screwed up world has had a positive impact on your life...I certainly hope so. My throat is unbelievably sore, I'm tired, and I blogged tonight. I also decided that I would take the Monday's after chemo off of work. I need more time to rest and heal.  

Thursday starts with a 7 AM call from Walgreen's Pharmacy. WHAT??? Why in the world would a pharmacy call at 7 AM? Yet again, I have a prescription that is not covered by insurance. UGH!!!  The sores in my throat are getting worse and I am fighting with Walgreen's and my insurance. Mind you, I work for the leading cancer fighting organization in the world.... I'll stay off my soap box, but to say I'm disappointed with the process would be an understatement. Plus, I'm tired, I can't really swallow, and the pain is not getting better.I am on the phone with my insurance company, AGAIN, by 7:15 AM and I am lead to believe that everything is taken care of after a total of 4 calls. Apparently, my insurance company has now spoken with Walgreens and my mucositus compound will soon be available. It doesn't sound appealing, but I need to swallow! Fighting cancer should not be impeded by insurance issues. Especially when you work to fight the damn disease each day!

Dinner is spent with many from the Kickels' family. We had planned on meeting and I didn't want to cancel plans so I had to stick with the "no hugging" plan.  Of course, I'm wanting to hug them all.  Kevin, Mrs. Kickels, Linda, Christine & Kristin all meet me for dinner in Lemont. We laughed, told stories, and I lived vicariously through Kristin and her fun adventures that she's been taking through Living Social & Groupon.  This weekend shes going to be in a giant tomato fight...interesting.  

Christine brings me a great gift that was completely unexpected. If you remember from a few entries ago, Christine is running the Chicago Marathon in my honor. The ACS has a great DetermiNation program that allows endurance athletes to raise funds for the fight against cancer.  Yep, she's running 26.2 in my honor.  Again, I could never imagine having the thought process of someone who runs a marathon.  Then again, I only run to shoe sales or do the 1.5 mile at TMMA every 5 weeks (and I skip half of those when I'm working out).  I won't be able to join Christine for the day of the marathon but she has invited me to her "recovery team" with the note below:

Dear Sue,

Welcome to me "recovery team".  Yes, you are a part of my training.  I carry your spirit with me in every run.  You may not be side by side with me on race day, but you can share in some of my recovery rituals.  Recovery time in marathon training is just as important as the running.  The same could be said for dealing with cancer.  So what does your welcome packet include?

• Music of course!  These are songs I run to.  Music can be such a source of energy.
• The Eucalyptus spray is to re-energize your body.  I use it to soak my muscles.  It might also come in handy if you need some "strong smelling salts" at a doctor visit.  :)
• Recovery time also means avoiding germs at all costs.  I become a bit manic close to marathon day about getting sick with a cold or flu.  Nothing like training 18 weeks to be sidelined from the run of my life.  Use these wipes when needed. (Reminder, your phone is dirtier than a toilet seat.)
• Lip tint is just a necessity in all circumstances - even marathon running.  Consider this our "signature" color.
• The bracelet is the same one that I have been wearing during my training.  I wear it on all my long runs to motivate me to run further and with more vigor.  During really tough runs, I have used the beads as a make-shirt rosary.  Consider it our "team bracelet".

Sue, you inspire me to do more, to cherish all the good that I see, and to never take for granted the people and gifts in my life.  I am blessed.  It is my turn to give back.

I hope to make you proud.

With love, 

Christine

The emotions I felt while reading this letter again when I arrived home are difficult to explain.  We are both running our own marathons.  We are both fight cancer in our own ways.  WE are doing it together.  Christine, I am the one who is blessed to know you.  I will be there in spirit!  And I hope that those reading this blog will support your fundraising efforts for the American Cancer Society!  Thank you for taking up the fight against cancer!  

http://main.acsevents.org/site/TR/DetermiNation/DNFY11IL?px=29902728&pg=personal&fr_id=42914

Much love!

XOXO,

Sue

Want to learn more about the American Cancer Society DetermiNation program?  Watch this video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XzgkivavGlk

Keri & Mike <3

Christine, Mark & Morgan

Living vicariously through Kristin at the tomato Living Social escapade.

The coffee cup that Christine had made for me...Super cute!

The bracelet that both Christine and I are wearing for out marathons.

If you or anyone you love is facing cancer PLEASE reach out to the American Cancer Society.  Nobody should face cancer alone.   http://www.cancer.org/  or 800.227.2345.   24 hours a day 365 days a year. 

Posted with Blogsy

Wow...Weekends Change When You Get Older and When You Have Cancer - August 24 - 26, 2012

"Ahhhh Friday...my second favorite F word!"

Get out of my head..clearly I mean FUN or Fantastic, or Frank!  Ok, you probably know me a little better than that by now.  

The weekend is finally upon us.  Just a few hours of work stand between me and MANY hours in bed.  Yep, livin' the single life to its fullest.  Yesterday was chemo and today I will NOT be getting my Neulasta shot.  So, I have high hopes that I will be feeling well most of the weekend, but I have chosen to make very few plans.  Actually, I've realized that any plans I have made since June 22 would actually be written in pencil if I used a paper calendar.  Fortunately, there is a delete button on the iPhone & iPad, so plan can easily be erased.  Cancer and plans do not typically travel well together unless the plans are to get chemo, go to the doctor, have surgery, etc.  Medical plans are written in magic marker.  Probably that same permanent marker the Dr. "Doogie Hauser" used on my to outline my port when I had my emergency trip to the hospital.  All other plans tend to be "game time decisions" that happen as the time gets closer.

Speaking of game time..tonight begins football season in Joliet.  High school football, that is.  If you're from the Joliet area and attended private schools, tonight is the BIG night!  Joliet Catholic plays Providence Catholic in the opening game of the season.  Fortunately, the game is being televised, so the plan is to head to Kim's house with snacks, order dinner, relax, and watch the game while all the kids swim.  Kim, Steph, Gina, and I are all together and their kids take a few dips in the pool and then play in the house.  We stayed out for a few minutes, but decided that it is best for my health to keep away from mosquitoes and West Niles disease.  So, we hung out at the in the kitchen for a while eating too much junk food.  One thing never changes when we are all together...too much food, a over-sized cookie with extra frosting, and Jewel taco dip.  All of the worlds problems could be solved with cookies and taco dip!  Well, they have helped to solve many of ours over the years.  As my body began to hurt from chemo we moved to the kitchen table and then to the couch.  Chemo is beginning to take its toll on me and my joints & bones are starting to hurt.  And let's not even mention the throat sores.  So, my evening with the girls had to come to an end.  Not because my mind was ready, but because my body was ready.  

I wish that sleep came easily to me, but that is not the case. Regardless of  how tired I am I simply can not fall asleep and the pain in my throat simply continues to get worse.  For some reason my throat hurts more when I am trying to rest in bed.  Around 3 AM my coughing and throat pain is so out of control that I get sick...not from being sick to my stomach, but from coughing too hard.  I need sleep tonight because I have an early morning.

Saturday starts off bright and early, for me.  Today I am volunteering to help at the Theresa Lang Memorial 5K that has been organized by TM Martial Arts.  I had planned on running the event months ago, but now I will simply do my best to help.  After a rough night with little sleep I only hope that I can last for an hour or so.  Today is not only about the 5K.  Today is about my TMMA family.  It is about Theresa and celebrating the life of a good person who would have turned 30 today.  Today was a day that people from all levels of fitness came together to support a family that lost a loved one and friends that will never forget her smile.

It was emotional to see everyone that I had not seen in a couple of month.  A lot of hugs, some tears, and many laughs.  Even a couple of cherry cake donuts that were to to the side for me from Heather.  The same donuts that were my dinner later on today.  I had the pleasure of working the finish line and handing out water to all that crossed...well, most that crossed because it was just too hot for me to stay out there for the entire time.  I also had the opportunity to talk to a friend who has a friend that is currently fighting his own battle with cancer.  Sadly, there are just too many cancer stories out there.

I stayed a little longer to visit with Bill, Suzanne and their friend Mike.  And then I knew it was time to head home to rest.  I said a few good-byes, but mostly I just snuck off to my car. I love seeing my TMMA family, but I miss them all on a daily basis.  

My afternoon is spent napping and then baking.  The Fire Department's picnic is this weekend and I wanted to support Eric and all the work that they do for Easter Seals.  I had planned om staying in tonight, but Eric sent a text to stop by and said it was a beautiful night.  It takes only minutes for me to get ready, so I throw on some clothes, put on Zara and head to St. Joe's to listen to the band.  It was a beautiful night and it was great to see some friendly faces.  I love seeing everyone, but I have a difficult time with conversations this quickly after chemo.  I lose my train of thought, I can't think of words, I can't remember names, etc.  I'm just not myself.  I try to stick close to Eric, but he's like the town Mayor and he's off in every direction.  I talked for a while, took about two sips of a beer, and then decided that it was time to head home. Things I thought about tonight before I went to bed...I've only worn my wig a couple of times, I am giving a ton of hugs these days, and I miss beautiful summer nights out.  Oh how I miss my "normal".  But at least I left the house for an hour or so.

Sunday comes in like a lion with pain in the night, but it is manageable in the morning.  The pain is not the same kind I have had in the past, but it is a nagging discomfort.  My legs, arms, and mostly hips are sore.  The kind of sore that makes it hard to stand too long, hurts to sit, etc.  More like my joints and bones are mad at me from doing too much, but let's face it I haven't worked out in ages.  I start the day baking chocolate zucchini bread, responding to emails, and attempting to write thank you notes.  I will NEVER get caught up on thank you notes.  I promise I'm trying.  Then back to bed for a nap.  It's a rainy, miserable day.  Perfect for napping, but depressing for the second day of the Fire Department picnic.  I try to rest, but I feel badly for Eric and all the work he has put into the weekend that is now getting rained out.  Softball games cancelled, bands getting moved inside, petting zoo getting stuck in their truck, etc.  I packed up some of the bakery, put on Zara, and headed to the picnic to see if he needs help.  I had high hopes that the rain would stop for Eric, but no such luck.  I guess the rain is a little like my cancer...it takes plans that were made and completely throws you for a loop.  It makes you move to plan B even when you're not ready.  And no matter how frustrating it is, how sad you may be, you simply move forward.

I was able to visit with Kelly for a little while, eat a "smoky" up against the concession stand, actually learn what a "smokie" is, hang with Eric, and then head home.  I rainy day, but not all lost.  Still laughs, food, and friends...the simple things in life that make a world of difference.  Even on a rainy Sunday.

I'm craving chicken and dumplings, but I really don't have the energy to go to the store.  It looks like it will be a cheese and crackers kind of night...and early to bed kind of night.

Sleep well!

XOXO,

S

Jenny, Steph and me!  Theresa Lang Memorial 5 K.

If you or anyone you love is facing cancer PLEASE reach out to the American Cancer Society.  Nobody should face cancer alone.   http://www.cancer.org/  or 800.227.2345.   24 hours a day 365 days a year.  WE are here to help.

Some Day I Will Find My Prince But My Daddy Will Always Be My King - August 22, 2012

"My prince did come...his name is Daddy."

I've said it before and I may say it again...this is one of my most emotional entries to write...

Today I hit the halfway point with chemo!!!  I should be excited, but I'm exhausted.  No sleep last night has made for a tough morning.  I am crying from being tired, having a hard time pulling myself together, my throat is hurting so badly, I'm sick to my stomach...the list goes on and on.  To top off things, I'm running late.  I HATE being late.  I pride myself on being early...hurry up and wait is much better than being late.  I pack up my "chemo bag".  We won't be there as long today, but I pack like we are moving in.  Cupcakes, plastic ware, cute napkins, chemo gift from Bonita, iPad, etc...  Again, the bag weighs more than a small child.  


My text to Steph, Kim, Gina & Cindi:

Me: Going for cocktails

Steph: R the twins going to chemo today?

Me: Yes.  Cindi Lou Who is sick.  I have literally been awake since 5 am yesterday morning.    Ugh.  Hoping I can sleep during cocktails.  (martini emoticon, needle emoticon, sleeping Zzz emoticon.

Steph: Half way today!!!  So proud of u!!!

Me: I'm feeling rough.  Running late and feel like I'm going to get sick.  Super exhausted.  Love ya.


I head to my parents to pick up my Mom, but I am feeling nauseous the whole way there.  I'd let her drive, but I think that would make me get car sick.  We don't hit much traffic, but get stuck in construction close to the infusion center.  Next stop Whole Foods for something to eat and snacks for the day.  I grab a few things, Mom gets a few things, and we are off to chemo.

There's no waiting when we arrive.  Nurse Jackie is there to greet me, we take the "usual" spot, and I start to get settled.  I hope Jackie realizes that I need the same chair for every session...I'll get nervous if I walk in and "my seat" is taken for the next round.  To my left is a woman that is not too much older than I am.  She is stylish with a cute wig and a scarf she is using like a headband.  She has a friend with her and they are talking and sharing pictures.  Two seats down from me is the same lady that was here the last time.  It makes me sad that she is alone, but her treatments do not last very long.  Three stations down is a bed with a chair next to it and a person getting chemo.  I really can't see who it is, but I think it is a man.  Full house today in Wheaton.

Shortly after we were getting settled my sister arrived.  She's been great through this whole process.  She has been to everything and by my side through it all.  It is good to have "the twins" here.  Chris leaves work to be here.  It works out well that her office is only about 15 minutes away.  Cindi was supposed to join us, but she is sick.  And well, sick and chemo do not go together.  All of us getting treatment cannot be out at risk of germs.  

Nurse Jackie and another nurse (I didn't catch her name) are getting me prepped for chemo.  Jackie notices that I am looking pretty rough.  I really did put on extra concealer and make-up, but sometimes it is too hard to hide the way I feel.  There is not enough bronzer or lipstick to perk me up today.  I tell Jackie about my throat and how the steroids are not allowing me to sleep.  She gives me my Benedryl that I take before each treatment and then starts getting me ready for the IV.  I remembered to put the medicine on my port, so I am numb when the line is inserted.  I still cringe each time, but it is great to no longer feel the pain of the needle going into the port.  

We are all busy getting settled, taking stuff out of the bag, getting the chemo ready, etc.  Then everyone kind of stops and I hear "Look who's here!"  I can't even remember who said it.  The door to the infusion area is directly behind my chair.  I kind of looked over my right shoulder and all I see are roses.  I then look up a little higher and I see that the roses are being held by my #1 guy.  I simply said "Daddy you're here." and tears began streaming down my face.  I looked forward and to my left and tears were falling from my eyes.  The same two eyes that can't believe what they are seeing.  My whole family is here and we are all crying at this point.  Jackie and the other nurse couldn't figure out why I was crying.  Jackie gave me a sweet hug from the side and pulled the curtain so we all could have a private moment.  

You're probably reading this and wondering "why the heck is she crying??  She sees her Dad every day."  Well, you are right.  I do see my Dad almost every day.  He is at my house every day.  He cleans the litter box, cuts my grass, fixes what needs fixing, etc.  My dad spends his mornings helping the homeless and going to church.  He often stops at my house early and then comes back later in the morning.  If he's not there by 11 AM I start to get worried and wonder where he is.  So, yes, I see him at my home always.  But what you may not realize is my Dad really doesn't leave the Joliet area anymore.  He keeps a solid routine, goes to very few places, and stay close to home.  Years of anxiety have stopped him from leaving the area.  He hasn't been to Naperville in over 7 years and Wheaton is even further.  But today he drove all the way to Wheaton to be at treatment.  My Mom told me that he has been thinking about coming for a while now and had planned on today earlier this week.  They didn't tell me because he was afraid that he wouldn't be able to actually make it.  Mom said that he has been sick to his stomach for a couple of days with nerves.  Let me just tell you that few things will ever hit me as emotionally as my Daddy walking into treatment this morning.  I cry every time I tell the story and I cry just thinking about it.

I text Stephanie, Kim, Gina and Cindi:


 Me:  Look at my "centerpiece" this month.  I cried so hard when he showed up.  My dad doesn't leave town.

Cindi: Damn it...I got trumped!

Steph: Awww...I think ur Dad makes a great centerpiece!!  Ha!!  Gorgeous flowers. XO

Me: Cindi we talked about how you gave me "pearls"

Steph: Lol!!! Flowers for sure trump pearls


Once we all pulled ourselves together my treatment began.  I did my best to explain everything to my Dad so that he understood the multiple bags in the IV stand, the drugs, and all that is happening.  So, here I am getting poison in my system and surrounded by the three most important people in my life.  I truly can't remember the last time that it was just the four of us sitting and talking, but I can tell you that I will never forget today.  We laughed, joked, argued a bit, interrupted conversations, ate, etc.  Mom handed out cupcakes. Dad talked about wanting a website for his Halloween display that he does each year (mind you, when I picked up my Mom this morning he had already started putting up Halloween decorations in the yard...it's Aug. 22...thank God they are not my neighbors).  I am trying to explain what he needs to go online, but he doesn't understand so I simply say "I wish I could help, but I have cancer."  We all laugh and I continue to say that the conversation is stressing me out so we need to move on.  

Chris had to go back to work.  Mom, Dad and I sat and talked.  Mom and Jackie and I talk about the show "Honey Boo Boo" and how ridiculous it is. Mom is laughing so hard that she is crying and Dad is disgusted that we actually have used any seconds of our lives to watch the show.  Here we are having normal conversations and enjoying family time...here I am getting chemo.  

Jackie comes back with a flashlight to check my throat.  It has bothered me since I started chemo, but the pain has gotten really bad.  It is hard to swallow, eat, etc.  It hasn't stopped me from eating, but it definitely hurts when I do.  When she looks down my throat she explains that I have throat sores from chemo.  It is called "Mucositis"...everything has to get a fancy name.  I think throat sores sound better, so I will stick with that. 

Mucositis is an inflammatory reaction of the mucous lining of the upper gastrointestinal tract from mouth to stomach (mouth, lips, throat) and surrounding soft tissues. 

• Stomatitis refers to inflammation in the mouth.
• Esophagitis refers to inflammation of esophagus.
• Mucositis refers to all mucous linings.

This response is due to certain chemotherapeutic drugs, biologic response modifiers, radiation therapy, and/or surgery. This reaction may progress to painful ulcers and infection, interfering with eating, talking, taste, chewing or swallowing and often lasting a few days.  
Mucositis is a self-limiting condition, currently there is no agent available to consistently prevent or treat this condition.  The goal is to decrease the severity and duration of mucositis and to provide relief of discomfort, and prevent or treat infection until recovery. (Thanks, Google)

Well, it can't be "fixed", but they can give medicine to help if it gets too bad.  For now I will gargle with warm salt water, use a very soft toothbrush (I bought a Disney princess brush, of course), and use Biotene...I LOVE BIOTENE!!  I have a box of samples (THANK YOU!!!  and the secret stays with me)....the toothpaste, gel and mouthwash are amazing.  If you know anyone going through chemo, I highly recommend all three products.  

Cheno is finally done.  I was here longer than I expected, but it was actually a really nice day.  Mom, Dad, and I walk out to the cars.  As Dad and I walked out the door I gave him a big hug, told him how much it meant to me that he was there, and I started to cry.  Mom and I got in my car and Dad went to his.  Mom and I plan on stopping for lunch and a quick trip to Trader Joe's.  Dad plans on going home.  He follows us as we o towards home.  Shortly after we leave Mom's phone rings...with the ringer that is nails on a chalkboard to me...Dad calls and we ask if he wants to go to lunch.  There is a small restaurant in the Trader Joe's parking lot and he agrees to join us.  To say the least, Mom and I are shocked.  He is so far out of his comfort zone.  We talk on the way to the restaurant.  This second battle with cancer seems to have hit my Dad the hardest or at least he is showing it more than others.  My Mom has been my rock this time around. I truly believe that this battle has made us so much closer and we are starting to understand each other more and more each day.  I tell her how proud I am of her.  And I also mention how great it is that she emails.  Every email ends with "lul, Mom"...yes, "lul".  I think she comes from the Gina School of Abbreviations.  She has made her own up...Love U Lots, Mom.  Well, Mom, I love you more!

We sit down to enjoy lunch and I check Facebook.  Immediately, tears ran down my face as I read a post that I was tagged in.  Here is the post from Stephanie Lazarikos:

I was the lucky winner of a dozen cupcakes from Betsy Barnett-Schreiber's Hey, Sweet Cheeks! Cupcakes & Bakery. Betsy and I are friends from SFA - class of 1988. I was so excited when I won because I have heard that her cupcakes are awesome...I have another friend Sue Ward who also attended SFA - class of 1989. Sue loves cupcakes and is courageously battling cancer for the second time and writes about it in her blog http://cancerandcupcakes.blogspot.com/. I asked Betsy to donate my dozen cupcakes to Sue with the hope of speading a smile her way. So, Sue Ward - please get together with Betsy at Hey, Sweet Cheeks - here is the menu link - http://heysweetcheeks.com/Cupcake_Menu_WWBT.html . Betsy is so sweet that she is still going to bake me a dozen. Please remember to like Hey, Sweet Cheeks! Cupcakes & Bakery here on FB.

I haven't seen Stephanie since high school.  We are friends on Facebook and she has joined my Virtual WE of people that are reading this crazy blog and taking part in my journey.  Her generosity is overwhelming today. Betsy's donation is beyond kind and I cannot wait to share her cupcakes with others in 3 weeks.  My parents ask why I'm crying and I can hardly choke out the words to read the post of explain the kindness that has come my way.  So many people like Stephanie have joined this journey and chosen to share it with others.  Your kindness does not go unnoticed or unappreciated.  The cards, the posts on Facebook, the prayers, the stories about spending more time with your kids because you have read this, the stories of slowing down and enjoying the day, the notes that say you scheduled your mammogram...all of these things are amazing.  All of these things allow me to find some meaning behind my second battle.  All of you remind me why it is important to share my story.  Maybe I will help one person.  If so, my daily battles are worth it.

After lunch we walked over to Trader Joe's.  I think it has gone up about 20 degrees while we are at the restaurant.  My Dad joined us at the store and he loved Trader Joe's.  It wasn't too busy and we bought a few goodies.  They have my favorite cookies, so I can't pass them up.  Yes, the nutritionist would be proud.

We all head home and I head to bed.  Today has been one of the best days that I have had in a very long time.  Kind of strange to say since it was my 11 round of chemo in my lifetime.  Regardless of my cancer, I have an amazing family.  Today I appreciated them all more than I have in a long time.  We had a great day...WE laughed, WE cried, WE fought cancer...TOGETHER!

Thank you for joining me on this journey and for taking the time to read my story...now, take some extra time for yourself.  Give a little more love to those people in your life today.  Life moves too quickly and we grow old too fast. Enjoy your night!

XOXO,

S

My 3rd chemo gift from Bonita!  The box is getting empty, so I am getting closer t o the end!

Me and my sister, Chris.

The very cute cupcake blanket that was in the mail when I arrived home.  Thank you, Lara!  It is beautiful!

Me and my #1 guy!

Me, Zara, and the Twins (Chris & Mom)...thought I would post this because I am forgetting what I look like with hair.

If you or anyone you love is facing cancer PLEASE reach out to the American Cancer Society.  Nobody should face cancer alone.   http://www.cancer.org/  or 800.227.2345.   24 hours a day 365 days a year.  WE are here to help.