Welcome to My Recovery Team - August 27 - 30

"The body does not want you to do this.  As you run it tells you to stop but the mind must be strong.  You always go too far for your body.  You must handle the pain with strategy...it is not age; it is not diet.  It is the will to succeed."

Working to keep my mind strong.  You are ALL helping me do that!  ;)

August 27 -- August 30

The week is starting with a day off. My plan is to spend the majority of the day in bed. It is strange to actually plan days that will be spent in bed. Typically, we are pleasantly surprised by days in bed and now I am actually scheduling them. I did venture out for lunch. The kids started school today at St. Paul's so I plan on meeting Amy, Mary, Andrew and the girls at Applebee's. I was feeling "off", but it is good to get out and the day was beautiful. The girls had a fun first day at school...well, I guess a fun first couple of hours. Abby and Ashley have already broken the uniform rules, they have great grade school gossip, and they are just fun to talk with. Andrew is being 100% boy during lunch...cute, funny, and instigating the girls. I can't help but think that Eric was just like his nephew at that age. Nothing but trouble with a great little smile! It's great to spend time with a family that means so much to me. Mary starts treatment again this week. Today is a little bit of normal for all of us.

After lunch I head back home. The pain in my hips, legs, and arms is growing. Nothing that a little rest can't cure. In the mail I have a great little goodie bag from Brook. She and I work together at ACS. She's part of my Work WE. It is one of those notes that has arrived at exactly the point that I need it. There's not a day that has gone by that I have not received a card. Everyone one is a cherished gift from people that are thinking of me. I have a box that I keep them all in. I had a box the last time and made sure to get one for this journey. I never want to forget all of the kind thoughts and prayers that are sent my way. Today's could not have come at a better time. I've mentioned that I have considered stopping blogging. But Brook reminded me that the blog is helping others. She sent cupcake holders, a great pink hat, etc. More importantly she sent encouraging words. My journey is helping to refresh her fight against cancer. She's joined a boot camp...10 weeks with strength training & kickboxing - sounds familiar... to get in shape and appreciating each day with her family. I cried while reading her note. Tears of joy. Tears that this journey is helping others even on days that it is kicking my butt. I'll never know why it happened twice, but I am hopeful that it helps others. Today Brook reminded me that out of a tough situation good can come. Others have told me that the blog has helped and reminded them that life is precious. Brook explained that we have keeping people at arms length in common and that she is also trying to let others in. Thank you, Brook! I needed it today! I needed the note as a reminder...more than you'll ever know.  And I love what you wrote in your email - "Sue wants to do this and cant, I can, I should, I should be thankful for my health and do the class in Sue's honor". So for you I will go kick the crap out of a bag!"  Beat the crap out of that bag and I'll work on beating the crap out of cancer!  More importantly...do the class for YOU, the boys, and your family!  If you are healthy you can take care of the rest of them.

I've been craving comfort food and whipped up some chicken and dumplings. Off to bed and rest.

Tuesday is here and my body is still exhausted. Today I can simply wonder "can you work while laying down?" Or is it lying down? Ugh..my grammar, spelling, and punctuation left weeks ago. Deal with it...I am. Seriously, I can't think of the simple words that are used daily. I have constantly changing words with others that I can spell and chemo brain appears to be in full force. GREAT!!! It will only get worse. :( Work is crazy today. Too much to do and too few hours. I take a break late in the day and run food over to Mary's house. When I get home there are two gifts at my house. One is from Neda. She's left cupcake wrappers for the baby shower that I am baking for this weekend and a couple of great dish towels with cupcakes on them! 

The other is a gift from Keri. My friend...part of my Work WE! There is a beautiful note and the book "Chicken Soup For The Surviving Soul". The book is the exact book that she gave to her friend Mike when he was battling cancer. Sadly, Mike lost his battle with cancer. The loss brought Keri to ACS and to her life purpose of fighting this disease. The book was in a box of belongings that his Mom gave to Keri. Here is the note inside the cover of the book:

Mike,

The difference between being a victim & a survivor is all in the attitude.

I have no doubt in my mind that you will not only beat this horrible disease but you will always have the right attitude about being called a survivor.

Love you,

Keri

I appreciate the book, the notes, the words. It reminds me that I need to keep a positive attitude through this journey. I wanted to call Keri to thank her, but the tears were coming down too hard and I couldn't speak. I simply sent a text to thank her and I told her that I will read the book, but I will also return it when my journey is done. There are things in life that you should give on loan. In my mind, Keri should always have this special book that she gave to someone she loved...will always love. Thank you, Keri. Your energy, ease of giving love, and attitude against this disease are like no others.

My day of work continued with a conference call. My words didn't come easily, I was out of breath for most of it, and I forgot some of the details...who the heck am I??? A twelve hour work day proves to be too much. Bed can not come quickly enough.

Wednesday starts with an early morning text the from Jim G. I had made him a strawberry rhubarb pie. He simply thanked me for the pie and said that we are "both going to win!"  Simple words that meant so much and made me smile. He's up against Drew Peterson and I'm up against cancer...I'm not sure who has a more evil appointment. I work a bit and then head out to get my Wednesday blood work. Nurse Jackie takes my blood and I wait for the results. While I wait she mentions that she has read the blog...YIKES!!! So my waiting turns into wondering if I've said anything that I should not have said. The truth is that I really like Jackie and I hope that I have not offended her. She keeps me calm, listens, and has my best interest in mind. Let's face it...she comes at me with needles! You don't want to piss off someone who uses sharp objects on your body! My white blood counts are very low. I'm still new with the white cell count knowledge. These cells are the ones that fight off infectious disease and foreign materials. Well, I apparently don't have enough white cells to do their job. Both of the nurses are concerned and Jackie calls Dr. Robinson. I waited to hear more details, but finally had to return to work. Jackie gives me a call and tells me that Dr. Robinson is concerned about my counts, but wants to hold off on intervening with shots. I need to be cautious. Wash my hands often, stay away from sick people, no hugs, no fresh fruit, no fresh veggies, no buffets (no problem), no germs, etc. Looks like I may need to consider buying a bubble to live in. I wonder if I can get that bedazzled. Dinner is spent with Eric. It's the last day of one of my Groupon deals. I've let a few slip, but thought this would be a good break. So, I put on Zara and we head to dinner. Oddly enough, Eric has spent the most time with Zara. I think I wear her to make him more comfortable. Or maybe it is for me to feel more comfortable around him.  Luckily, he had to head into work tonight. I could not have kept Zara on for much long and I started feeling pretty terrible during dinner. It was the longest ride home and my stomach was upset. I cracked the window, tried to keep my mind off of feeling ill, and wondered if he could drive any slower. He reminds me so much of my Dad and he never misses seeing what is along the road and what others are doing. But I wish he would realize when I'm feeling "off". Maybe I simply need to stop pretending that I am feeling well when I'm not. Home and ready to rest.

I haven't written a blog in a couple if weeks. I've been in a funk and wondered if I have shared too much. The response to my journey has been nothing short of amazing, but I don't typically share my life with so many people. It has taken some time to get used to, but I keep hearing how I've helped others. Or how you've joined the gym (please know that I'm jealous), how you've taken more time with your family and friends, or how you've gained a new appreciation for your journey in life. Maybe my little screwed up world has had a positive impact on your life...I certainly hope so. My throat is unbelievably sore, I'm tired, and I blogged tonight. I also decided that I would take the Monday's after chemo off of work. I need more time to rest and heal.  

Thursday starts with a 7 AM call from Walgreen's Pharmacy. WHAT??? Why in the world would a pharmacy call at 7 AM? Yet again, I have a prescription that is not covered by insurance. UGH!!!  The sores in my throat are getting worse and I am fighting with Walgreen's and my insurance. Mind you, I work for the leading cancer fighting organization in the world.... I'll stay off my soap box, but to say I'm disappointed with the process would be an understatement. Plus, I'm tired, I can't really swallow, and the pain is not getting better.I am on the phone with my insurance company, AGAIN, by 7:15 AM and I am lead to believe that everything is taken care of after a total of 4 calls. Apparently, my insurance company has now spoken with Walgreens and my mucositus compound will soon be available. It doesn't sound appealing, but I need to swallow! Fighting cancer should not be impeded by insurance issues. Especially when you work to fight the damn disease each day!

Dinner is spent with many from the Kickels' family. We had planned on meeting and I didn't want to cancel plans so I had to stick with the "no hugging" plan.  Of course, I'm wanting to hug them all.  Kevin, Mrs. Kickels, Linda, Christine & Kristin all meet me for dinner in Lemont. We laughed, told stories, and I lived vicariously through Kristin and her fun adventures that she's been taking through Living Social & Groupon.  This weekend shes going to be in a giant tomato fight...interesting.  

Christine brings me a great gift that was completely unexpected. If you remember from a few entries ago, Christine is running the Chicago Marathon in my honor. The ACS has a great DetermiNation program that allows endurance athletes to raise funds for the fight against cancer.  Yep, she's running 26.2 in my honor.  Again, I could never imagine having the thought process of someone who runs a marathon.  Then again, I only run to shoe sales or do the 1.5 mile at TMMA every 5 weeks (and I skip half of those when I'm working out).  I won't be able to join Christine for the day of the marathon but she has invited me to her "recovery team" with the note below:

Dear Sue,

Welcome to me "recovery team".  Yes, you are a part of my training.  I carry your spirit with me in every run.  You may not be side by side with me on race day, but you can share in some of my recovery rituals.  Recovery time in marathon training is just as important as the running.  The same could be said for dealing with cancer.  So what does your welcome packet include?

• Music of course!  These are songs I run to.  Music can be such a source of energy.
• The Eucalyptus spray is to re-energize your body.  I use it to soak my muscles.  It might also come in handy if you need some "strong smelling salts" at a doctor visit.  :)
• Recovery time also means avoiding germs at all costs.  I become a bit manic close to marathon day about getting sick with a cold or flu.  Nothing like training 18 weeks to be sidelined from the run of my life.  Use these wipes when needed. (Reminder, your phone is dirtier than a toilet seat.)
• Lip tint is just a necessity in all circumstances - even marathon running.  Consider this our "signature" color.
• The bracelet is the same one that I have been wearing during my training.  I wear it on all my long runs to motivate me to run further and with more vigor.  During really tough runs, I have used the beads as a make-shirt rosary.  Consider it our "team bracelet".

Sue, you inspire me to do more, to cherish all the good that I see, and to never take for granted the people and gifts in my life.  I am blessed.  It is my turn to give back.

I hope to make you proud.

With love, 

Christine

The emotions I felt while reading this letter again when I arrived home are difficult to explain.  We are both running our own marathons.  We are both fight cancer in our own ways.  WE are doing it together.  Christine, I am the one who is blessed to know you.  I will be there in spirit!  And I hope that those reading this blog will support your fundraising efforts for the American Cancer Society!  Thank you for taking up the fight against cancer!  

http://main.acsevents.org/site/TR/DetermiNation/DNFY11IL?px=29902728&pg=personal&fr_id=42914

Much love!

XOXO,

Sue

Want to learn more about the American Cancer Society DetermiNation program?  Watch this video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XzgkivavGlk

Keri & Mike <3

Christine, Mark & Morgan

Living vicariously through Kristin at the tomato Living Social escapade.

The coffee cup that Christine had made for me...Super cute!

The bracelet that both Christine and I are wearing for out marathons.

If you or anyone you love is facing cancer PLEASE reach out to the American Cancer Society.  Nobody should face cancer alone.   http://www.cancer.org/  or 800.227.2345.   24 hours a day 365 days a year. 

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