Word of the Day - Exhaustipated! - August 13-15, 2012

"We only realize how short and precious life is when we see it over our shoulders."

The week is starting off a little slowly. Well, maybe it is me who is moving slowly. I overestimated my ability to get things done this weekend and rebound quickly. At most other points in my life I can juggle a hundred things, bake, cook, clean, run errands, shop, etc. But this weekend proved to be more than my body was ready to handle. Monday is spent working and not being very active. It is a rainy and gloomy day, so I am sure that the weather is impacting my spirit as much as my activity did.  My Mom has also been helping clean the house lately, but she has stopped wearing her "cleaning outfit"...I guess I shouldn't have told all who read the blog about what she wears.  I kind of miss her skinny legs, granny underwear and gym shoes!  ;)

When I cleaned the house I remembered that I still had a squirrel cage in my attic. Don't worry...I would never harm an animal. I simply needed to rescue the little guy over the winter and forgot to take the cage back down and return it to Smitty. So, I dropped it off over lunch. It is always good to see Smitty and his big smile. Eric was in his driveway, so I was able to see them both briefly. After that, I dropped off meatloaf, potatoes, and beans at Mary's home. Then back to work for the day. I'd love to say that my day was full of activity, but it was simply full of work, a couple of errands, and then my bed. Yet another day of going to bed around 6:30. I really don't sleep much, but I flip channels and relax. My body just needs to recharge.


Tuesday is spent working, again..I think we all just work too much. Who was it that decided we should have a 2 day weekend and a 5 day work week?? Seems a little backwards to me...even a 3 day weekend with a 4 day work week would be great. But I have to pay the bills and must have insurance. Speaking of bills, I opened a few hospital bills today...if cancer doesn't make you sick, seeing the cost of having cancer certainly will! It is impressive to see the cost of an MRI, chemo or other tests. I think I choked a little when I opened them...then I piled them up nicely and walked away. Sometimes, I just need to walk away from the financial stressers. This is one of those times...

After work I stopped to say goodbye to Alaina. She's one of my favorite "kids"...well, not so much of a kid anymore. She's off to University of Iowa in the morning. It seems like just yesterday Gina and I were babysitting her and shopping at the mall. Alaina had a great knack of starring at people and just taking it all in while listening in on their conversations. Now she is grown and ready to head out to see what the world has to offer. Two cars packed with all the things you could possibly need in a college dorm (and more!). I thought I'd be a little sad to see her go. Then I thought about how excited I was for all the possibilities that she has coming her way. She knows that she can always call me for bail money, but she's a great young lady who will never need to take me up on that offer! Have fun, Aliana...but don't grow up too fast!  May I suggest the "the 7 year plan"...the real world is overrated!

I always wanted to go away to college or live downtown Chicago. I have often regretted that I stayed in the same two towns my entire life. Yep, made the BIG move 6.4 miles from my parents' home.  When I worked at Harrah's I had some opportunities to move for my career, but somewhere along the way I decided that I would never leave for money. Maybe love would have come my way and I would have left for that, but my family and friends were here...are here. I often think about what my life would entail if I were fighting cancer away from my solid support network. Who would be there to go to treatment, to help through it all? I never really expanded my wings to fly far from the nest...I guess that is a good thing because I could not go through this without all the support that I have.

After the quick goodbye I head over to visit with Bill and Suzanne. I have not seen them in weeks. They were in Atlanta for baseball and then oversees for a family vacation. Suzanne was a little shocked when I arrived. She thought that I was going to look really "sick". The reality is that I don't feel like I look sick and it is amazing what a lot of concealer and bronzer can do! ;) I look a little fluffy and definitely bald, but not completely "sick" yet. Last time around I was a lovely shade of grayish-yellow. I still have eyebrows, most of my eyelashes and an ok skin color...so, I don't have the look that makes people wonder. We had a nice chat while sitting at the table on their patio. I stayed a little later than planned. Well, not after dark, but after my normally scheduled bedtime. It was good to see them both and catch up on things that are happening in their lives and with the kids. They truly are nice people who make me smile.

Wednesday: Early to bed. Early to rise. Today is another busy day at work. I'm spending a lot of time working on the ACS Making Strides Against Breast Cancer program for my job. I can honestly say that it is surreal working on the program that is impacting my life so greatly. It is a little overwhelming holding conversations with people about the event...it is emotional. Today I should have been in the city for a meeting, but Ann made it possible for me to phone in. The little things like this that are helping so much. Travel to and from the city and then back to a work event tonight would have been exhausting.

I head to Cemeno's for the Making Strides Kickoff that I am working tonight. The Kickoff allows for ACS to invite individuals in to learn about the event and engage them in forming a team and fighting back against breast cancer with fundraising. I am wearing my "hug for my head" and green and pink t-shirt Strides. It worked out well that they match. I'm still short on scarves because I didn't think I was going to like them so much. I know a lot of people that attend the event. So, my night is full of hugs and stories. A couple of people that are there didn't realize that I was battling bc again, so I have to fill them in. It is always great to see friendly faces - Bridget, Rob & Pam, Cindi, Steve, Sam & Kelly, Steve, Gail, Cousin Krissy, all the ACS staff...a lot of people I know and I am sure that I am forgetting to list some. Rob and Pam had told me that they were registering a team in my honor. Pam has battled cancer herself and has been a very kind support via email over the past few weeks. Rob and I work out together, but I have only met Pam at Relay, so it is amazing that they have chosen to do the event. To say that I am honored would be an understatement. Luke came to volunteer for hours that he needs at school. I was surprised to see that Cindi was with him when he walked in the door. I couldn't figure out why she was hanging around and then she told me that the Divas (my girls) were forming a team to show their support. Of course, I teared up. We Relayed for years, but lives had gotten busy the past few. I am happy to hear that they are forming a team...WE are forming a team. I honestly don't know if I will be able to physically be at the walk because it is 3 days after my 5th round of chemo, but I will definitely be there in spirit!  The strange reality is that I should be celebrating 12 years of being cancer free on the weekend of the Strides event in Joliet.  Things have certainly changed over the past couple of months.

I sat in the back of the room to hear all that was said in the Kickoff. I help plan the Kickoffs across the state, but hadn't had the opportunity to sit through an event. I saw Kim at one of the tables halfway though the event. She snuck in on me!  Three survivors shared their stories. Three women from different walks of life with different battles...all with the same cause...all want to see a stop to this damn disease. At the end I spoke with them and thanked them for sharing their stories and for being involved with ACS. All women that I do not know, but all that showed concern because they can clearly see that I am in the middle of treatment. One knows my friend Stephanie and remembers my last battle. Another is there with her friend who has terminal cancer. She and I spoke for a few minutes and I gave her the information on where to get the "hug for her head". I can't help but wonder how I would feel in her shoes and I often wonder if I am actually in the same shoes, but just don't know it yet. Only time will tell, but not a day goes by that I don't think about it.

Tonight, 19 teams signed up for the Making Strides Against Breast Cancer of Joliet. Maybe you would like to join us or donate to my team. If so, please go to this link http://main.acsevents.org/site/TR/MakingStridesAgainstBreastCancer/MSABCFY13IL?px=1931671&pg=personal&fr_id=47491  We would love to see you at Joliet Speedway on Oct. 7! I won't even admit how long it took me to set up the page on the website...I just keep telling myself that I am smarter than Convio, but I have yet to prove it after working with it for years.  

I had a cute box delivered today and it is full of fun scarves that I can wear over the coming months...it's like Lisa Romani was reading my mind when I thought I needed more scarves in my wardrobe!  Thanks for the thoughtful gift!

Off to bed after a very long day...  Sleep well!

XOXO,

S

http://main.acsevents.org/site/TR/MakingStridesAgainstBreastCancer/MSABCFY13IL?px=1931671&pg=personal&fr_id=47491

Stack of scarves and a great little book to brighten my day!  Thank you for thinking of me, Lisa,  LOVE this idea!

If you or anyone you love is facing cancer PLEASE reach out to the American Cancer Society.  Nobody should face cancer alone.   http://www.cancer.org/  or 800.227.2345.   24 hours a day 365 days a year.  WE are here for you. 

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I Can Fit It All Into an Easy Sunday... - August 12, 2012

"Lift up your head princess, if not the crown falls."

Sunday morning has come with some unexpected extra energy. I wake early and stay in bed flipping channels. My tv is almost always on in the house. I grew up watching or listening to the tv and have continued my efforts at this age. Often it is on mute, but it is still always on. Even the cats get the benefit of the tv when I am out and a bout. Sunday mornings do not offer the best viewing options...church services, repeats of the news, black and white westerns, infomercials until late in the day...I've already seen most of these while flipping channels at 2 AM. Not even my beloved "Murder, She Wrote" or "Law & Order" are playing today. And the Olympics are coming to a close. So, I decide to attend the ACS Making Strides Against Breast Cancer event in Bolingbrook at the Promenade...combine work, shopping and a beautiful day...Ok, I'm sold!

I thought the event started a little later than it did, so I arrived when the walkers had just started. It is a first year event in a great location. It has so much potential and it is well branded with a little over one hundred people in attendance. I go to the main staging area and visit with Chris, Jackson, Sarah and Sydney. Some of my Work WE and their little people...well, Sydney is taller than her Mom, so I guess they aren't that little anymore. Then comes Karli, Jason and their cutie Claire. Karli and I work on the same team, but I've never had the opportunity to meet her family. Claire is exactly what I had pictured in mind...she's just like her Momma! Spunky, full of energy, dressed as cute as can be, and being silly. They are on their way to the zoo to meet family and stopped by the event to visit. Claire is at a great age...smart, funny, and adorable!!  Plus, I LOVE the name Claire!  I've had "dibs" on it for years with my girlfriends...I always wanted a Claire.

Chris, Jackson, and I walked half a lap to see the event. It is a beautiful morning, but Jackson is "ready to go home" and I get out of breath easily. Chris simply said "ok buddy, 5 more minutes"...the joy one gets when they can tell time to a child that doesn't have a concept of time. Oh, Hensley...just wait until he's smarter than you are. ;) There were cheer stations along the route, pink ribbons on light posts, music pumping, a balloon arch across the start line/finish. With my job, these are things I love to see! I'm newer to the Strides program, so I am learning as I go and coming up with ideas to enhance the event experience for all our participants. I started my volunteer and career efforts with ACS in the Relay For Life program. I've always "bled" purple. You'd think that a breast cancer survivor would have leaned towards the pink "side of the house", but purple has been my "thing". I'm excited to continue to learn the Strides platform, but I also know that there are many things about Strides that hits a little too close to home on days when breast cancer is taking over much of my life.

After we walked our lap I started to take pictures of aspects of the event I found useful for my job...signs, balloons, staging, tents...yep, all the exciting stuff. I then found myself at the finish line taking pictures and congratulating people as they came by with their teams of family, friends, and co-workers. One lady that I spoke with was Connie who works for Adventist, the local hospital. Connie is a breast cancer survivor who has attended the event with her family. She has a contagious energy about her. The kind of smile that invites you to smile, say hello, and easily start a conversation. Connie is proudly wearing a work t-shirt and starts to talk to me about the event, her job, and our battles with breast cancer. I guess I'm easy to spot with just a hat on without a scarf(the hat is from Rich Green and our Chicago shopping trip with Michelle). Connie is there with her family, more importantly she is there with her teenage children. They had to experience their Mom's cancer at a young age, but they are now being taught to fight back against the disease. To be involved in their community and to come together as a family to show cancer that it should fear the power of family and love.

One of the favorite things I have seen over my years of volunteering and working for ACS is the commitment of our youth. They often stand up because it is simply the right thing to do. They are often taught by their parents that it is important to get involved and volunteer. They start at a young age and continue to take up the cause when they grow into young adults. I love that our future, MY future, is in the hands of great young adults that simply care because they should! I think about young volunteers that I have had the honor of working with over the years...Kari Liotta, Kate Golen, Katie Kolzow, Carly Hamilton, Jenny Adler, Adam Schwartz, The Campbell kids, my girlfriends' children, etc. The list could go on and on...cancer has impacted them in difficult ways and yet they stand up against the disease and continue to support the efforts of the ACS.

Are you a parent? Please teach your child to find a passion and please teach them to take on challenges that are bigger than life. By giving back you get so much in return. By volunteering you learn about others and you learn about yourself. So many organizations depend on the future of these young adults and children...encourage them to to get involved with their community. Not just for service hours, but because It is the right thing to do.


I leave the walk and run a few simple errands. My energy is starting to fade, but I have so much that I want to accomplish today. I stop by Momo's (my grandma) house on my way home. She always yells at me for not visiting enough. I need to make a better effort to see her more often. We talk, watch church on tv and I play with Cassandra, her cat. I rescued Cassandra from Indiana in January. A long drive there and a longer drive home. She is a pretty, little, and a 12 year old Siamese who's owner passed away. She was looking for her new furr-ever home and I had high hopes Momo would love her....well, Cassandra pretty much talked nonstop the entire 3 hour ride home. I mean, this old girl has some lungs on her and literally did not stop talking. And well, she still hasn't really stopped. Momo wanted a sweet lap cat to cuddle with and instead she is living with a Golden Girl that thinks they are having coffee and chatting much of the day. Cassandra does take a lot of naps, so there are some breaks in conversation, but it hasn't been the "love connection" that I had hoped. I think Momo likes her, but she spends a lot of time complaining about poor Cassie...granted, when I have offered to take her I get a resounding "NO"! So, they must have secret bond of love. I think Cassie is adorable, sweet, and exactly like most quirky Siamese cats. But I think you either love a Siamese or you think they are crazy...kind of like what people probably think of me. I couldn't imagine having any other kind of 4-legged family in my home...unless I had time to raise a dog.

When I make my way back home I decide to start cleaning the house. My dining room table looks like a Hallmark store exploded on it (in a good way, of course) and my bathroom is still full of hair products, accessories, etc. Daily reminders that I don't have hair and will not need the items anytime soon. I'm one of those people who spent way too much time, energy, and money on hair products. It is somewhat liberating to get ready quickly, but it is also depressing to have a daily reminder when I look on my counter, in the shower, in the drawers, on the shelves, in the cat bowl (because Henry steals all my hair rubber bands and stores them in his bowl...I mean 100s of bands have ended up in that bowl over the past year...strange cat), etc. So, I grab a laundry basket and start filling it up. It is over the top by time I take it to the basement for storage. Then I decided to clean out the cupboards, clean the bathroom, organize my medicine, etc. Zara is placed on the shelf that was built for Chloe (my first wig)almost 12 years ago. My hats and scarves are organized to replace my ridiculous amount of head bands, Sporties, and clips. For the first time in weeks I feel like I am controlling the bald situation. I'll bring the items back someday, but now I need to accept my reality and do my best to embrace it. I have left all of the shaving items in the shower and will probably continue to shave daily...yes, shave legs and arms that have no hair. It's a habit that I will not brake. I'm a shave-aholic who is not ready to go into recovery!

I'm almost completely exhausted when I finish the task. Too many trips up and down the basement stairs...oh, I forgot, I cleaned out and organized a basement room today. What was a thinking?? I have invited my Mom and Dad to come for dinner. My Farmer's Market finds will be put to good use. Tonight's menu includes turkey meatloaf (Paul Deen's recipe that I love), roasted beets, smashed baby potatoes that are boiled and the baked with olive oil, rosemary from the garden, etc., green beans with onions, tomatoes, and white wine vinegar, and garlic bread. No dessert tonight. Just not like me, but I bit off more than I could chew with today's activities. We cleared a few spots at the dining room table and sat to relax at dinner. I love having my parents over for dinner, I always have. They eat anything I make and the think it is all fabulous...who can resist that?!? After dinner we look at all of the pictures from the Head Shaving 'Party'. Joy has given me a CD of the pictures and she printed them off for viewing. They are amazing!  I still cannot thank Joy enough for giving me the gift she did. 

Joy, you made it possible for me to see the beauty in an otherwise devastating day. I'm smiling in most of the shots. I love to smile with an over sized, crooked mouth! I appreciate that the toughest times were not caught on film...I'm a ugly crier. You helped me emotionally and mentally...two things I needed more than anything that day.

I crawled under the covers shortly after dinner. I'm exhausted, but watching the closing the Olympics. It's been a good two weeks with all the athletes. I'm sad to see it end, but the closing appears to be lasting as long as the 4 years it will take to bring the summer games back. I'm texting with Danielle in Florida and we are pretty much commenting and laughing at everything that is happening. She's waiting for the Spice Girls to appear and I'm trying to explain who all of the great bands are...these are days that I remember I'm getting old. I am also following Chritine Getzler Vaugh and her hilarious play-by-play commentary of the closing on Facebook. She has her dad's wit and charm, and maybe his love for Chardonnay.

Sleep did not come easily tonight, but it finally came. With accomplishment comes exhaustion.

XOXO,

S

Join us in the fight against breast cancer.  Form a team today!
http://makingstrides.acsevents.org/site/PageServer?pagename=MSABC_FY13_FindAnEvent

Basket of medicine that replaced my hair products on the counter.  :(

Headbands, Sporties, clips...going into retirement for a long time.

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Zara on the shelf that was made for Chloe in 2000.  Really?!?!  Who the heck has a shelf for her
two wigs for fighting cancer in 11.5 years???  How the heck did this happen?

If you or anyone you love is facing cancer PLEASE reach out to the American Cancer Society.  Nobody should face cancer alone.   http://www.cancer.org/  or 800.227.2345.   24 hours a day 365 days a year.  WE are here for you. 

Laughter IS the BEST Medicine! August 11, 2012

"Go into the world and do well.  But more importantly, go into the world and do good." - Minor Myers, Jr.

Yet another quote from somebody I have ever heard of, but found on Pinterest.  ;)  Yes, I'm slightly addicted to Pintetest, but not losing sleep over it these days.  The quote just made me think about so many things that have been happening in my life.  Usually when somebody asks me how I am doing I respond with "I'm doing well, how are you?"  Lately, I've realized that my response has been "I'm doing ok."  There is a bit of trepidation in my voice with my answer.  The reality is that I am doing well, most days.  I feel well.  I think I look well, for the most part.  My body is doing well, minus the few days following chemo.  My life is great, with the exception of the cancer.  My spirits are high and I have a great cheering section.  The question then becomes "am I doing good?"  If I have to weight things out at this stage in my life, I truly believe that the good outweighs the bad.  Sure, I have moments that I am not proud of, things I can't change but would, and choices I would make differently if given a second chance.  Life is easy when you are the Monday morning quarterback, but it doesn't really work that way.  We can only hope that we learn from each day and do good things moving forward.  I need to focus on the good that can come out of this second battle with cancer.  I need to focus on going into the world and doing good things.  Ok, probably not really the world, but my little world...

Saturday is an early morning and a beautiful day.  Actually the first chilly morning that we have had in weeks. Finally, a day that is not in the 90s, but it seems cold because we are in the 70s.  I head to Downers Grove to go to the Farmer's Market.  It is one of my favorite Saturday morning activities, but I haven't done it since early June.  I love to cook and love buying random fresh produce that I can google later and find a recipe to make.  The market is busy and the produce looks beautiful.  I, of course, get carried away buying beans, corn, nectarines, potatoes, tomatoes, etc.  For a "party of one" you'd think that I have a family of 6 to feed.  My eyes are always bigger than my stomach when it comes to shopping for food.  While the Farmer's Market is great I am actually in town to meet friends for breakfast, so I head over to the Lemon Tree Grocer to meet them.  

If you live in the area and have not gone to the Lemon Tree you are truly missing out.  It is a great little location that is like a mini Whole Foods with a small restaurant inside. The food is delish, the wine and beer offerings are unique, they have a fine selection of cheese, the butcher is fabulous (according to my friend, MLK), etc.  If that doesn't pique your interest, simply stop by to see how cute the owner/chef is.  Sure, he has only helped me pick out beer in the past and he says hello to everyone, but a girl can still think he's adorable even when she's bald and wearing a hat.  If you know him, please don't rat me out and tell my secret.  

Ok, back to the story...I am so easily distracted these days...I blame it on chemo.

I make a quick trip through the Lemon Tree and then run into my friend Kelly that I am meeting for breakfast. Kelly and I used to work together at ACS, but she recently left us for bluer skies, a long Metra commute, and a big building in Chicago.  Kelly is a quirky as they come and I LOVE that about her.  Quirky is one of my favorites traits in people.  I quick hug hello and then a look at the restaurant only to notice that it is not open.  Oooopppsss...I guess I should have done more research when I picked the location.  Fortunately, there is an Egg Harbor across the street.  We grab a table outside and wait for Robyn.  Like Kelly, Robyn is quirky and recently left ACS for bluer skies, a long Metra ride, and a big building in the city...they are both working for Easter Seals and are both continuing to do good.  Both are also probably cringing at my spelling and grammar errors in each post that I make in my blog.  I haven't seen Kelly since the Relay in Joliet and I haven't seen Robyn for a couple of weeks.  It is great to sit outside, drink too much coffee, eat too much food, catch up, and laugh.  We talk about their jobs and the people they work with, ACS, family, friends, Robyn's wedding plans, etc.  Mostly, we laugh.  Both of these ladies can always make me laugh. We sat at breakfast for a long time.  The place was packed and they definitely wanted our table...so much so that they brought us to-go cups for our coffee.  We weren't really concerned about others waiting because we were enjoying the morning and the beautiful day.  

After breakfast we made a quick trip back through the Farmer's Market and decided to walk through town and all the little shops.  We were just talking, walking, and stopping at boutiques along the way. We all had a open day and were not in a hurry to do anything.  The shops are really cute and we have fun browsing the racks and shelves.  Robyn bought her sister a cute gift for her return to work after having a baby, I found a hat on the sale rack, Kelly bought dog treats for Addison (or was that Robyn bought dog treats for Truman?)...pretty sure it was Addy.  Regardless, the dog bakery was full of people and dogs and the woman working knew the dogs by name.  You gotta love customer service for dogs! And I have to love people that treat their animals like their kids!  Robyn is getting married in November and I have offered to bring her dog, Truman, to the wedding for pictures and then bring him back to the doggie hotel.  Animals are family to me and I think he should be in the pictures.  She is considering the idea, but thinks her Mom would be upset.  I think the young Republican dog should be invited and I am willing to to be his "date" for a quick trip to Lake Geneva.  We joked about it a bit, but I am 100% serious about my offer. We continued through town and went to the spice store, a great little candy store where Robyn bought cute chocolates for a dinner party that night, and then to the wedding shop where Robyn has purchased many items for her wedding.  We get to see the jewelry she picked for her bridesmaids, her shoes, etc.  We try to talk her into Brittany Spears' like sweatpants they say "bride" across the butt.  Oddly enough, she declines.  I even see some cute little outfits for Truman to wear in the photo shoot.  Let me just say that this store has managed to put "bride" on more items than you would think!  For a small place they are doing BIG business!  Robyn glows when she talks about the wedding.  It is fun to hear all her descriptions of things and watch her laugh about the things that she has planned.  Kelly and I have fun teasing her about all the details.  

After browsing the shops we decide to go to the Irish pub to relax a bit outside. Breakfast has turned into lunch hour, but we are still full from eating.  We each grad a drink and continue to talk about the wedding, her family, and life.  We are probably louder than we should be, but clearly enjoying our day. We are sitting outside, in the shade, with a breeze, talking and laughing...really, what more can you ask for on a Saturday?  More importantly, we came up for names for Robyn and Matthew's future children and I just can't wait to meet little Mitt, Buffy and Biff someday!   

It is getting late in the afternoon and my energy is starting to fade.  Robyn has a dinner party to attend, Kelly needs to go home to her Eric, and I plan on stopping by the Relay in Romeoville to see Mary with her team and Kevin who is staffing the event...I am friends with and work with Mary & Kevin.  Kelly, Robyn, and I say our good-byes and head our different ways.  Today was a great day with really good and funny people! We all rush through life and often forget to sit, relax, and enjoy friends.  Today was a good reminder to do that more often.

On my way towards home I ran a few quick errands and then text Kevin to see if he needed dinner.  We often staff events all day and find that we are munching on junk food and pop.  He's hungry so I make a quick stop at Wendy's on the way.  By time I pull into the Relay I realize that my body has hit a wall and I am exhausted.  Kevin eats, we chat, I say hello to a few volunteers, walk through the event briefly, and then decide to head home.  Unfortunately, Mary isn't feeling well, so she is not at the Relay.  

Today was a great day with really good and funny people! We all rush through life and often forget to sit, relax, and enjoy friends.  Today served as a reminder to do that more often.  Bed came early, the Olympics are coming to an end, and my eyelashes are starting to fall out...for several hours today cancer was pushed to the back of my mind.  Thanks, Kelly & Robyn for being well and doing good!   

Laughter and friends are FANTASTIC medicine.  So...take a few moments to sit a little longer at breakfast in the sun, walk a little slower with friends around town, and laugh a little louder in the shade.  No medical woes today...maybe boring to those reading this, but pretty exciting to me!  Cancer plays a huge part in my life, but it doesn't have to impact all aspects.  It spent some time on the shelf today and I spent a lot of time not thinking about it....

XOXO,

S

If you or anyone you love is facing cancer PLEASE reach out to the American Cancer Society.  Nobody should face cancer alone.   http://www.cancer.org/  or 800.227.2345.   24 hours a day 365 days a year.  WE are here for you.

Addison - "Darth Beagle"...Kelly's baby.

Truman...Robyn's kid!  He's going to look so cute in a tux at the wedding!  ;)

If you or anyone you love is facing cancer PLEASE reach out to the American Cancer Society.  Nobody should face cancer alone.   http://www.cancer.org/  or 800.227.2345.   24 hours a day 365 days a year.  WE are here for you. 

A Hug For My Head and Hugs From Two Marys - August 7-10, 2012

"I love people who make me laugh.  I honestly think it's the thing I like most, to laugh.  It cures a multitude of ills.  It's possibly the most important thing in a person." - Audrey Hepburn

I'd love to say that I'm having an exciting week, but I think I'm spending more time in bed than I am up and about. I'm back to work on Tuesday and have a completely normal week at work. Busy doing all of the things that I regularly do, but not working the large amount of hours that I have for years. After an 8 hour day i am pretty much exhausted.  I plug on a little longer, but just can't rack up the hours that I like to.  My mouth is dry from treatment, my throat is sore most of the time, my nose is constantly running, I have taxoTEARS, food tastes terrible, Diet Coke tastes like medicine, etc. :( I love food and I love my Dt. Coke. I'm eating a ton of watermelon and drinking chocolate milk. Well, eating and drinking a lot of chocolate and chocolate milk. The steroids are making me fluffy and my poor diet isn't helping. I need to get back to exercising and eating healthy, but I don't have the energy and I'm craving all the bad stuff.

On Wednesday I receive a couple of notes from my "Chemo Angels". I'm not 100% sure where they got my info, but it is kind of a cool situation. I may have registered for the program somewhere along my journey. Two women that I do not know will be sending me weekly notes through out my treatment. They volunteer to brighten the day of a chemo patient. One is from Texas and one is from Missouri. They both write notes about their daily lives and wish me well with my treatment. It is amazing to get support from so many people, even some that know little to nothing about me. http://www.chemoangels.net.  It is encouraging to know that there are strangers out there that will help so many if they may go through the same thing.

Another cool item that I received this week is a "hug for my head". Seriously, I am going to have to continue to reevaluate my view on hugs. This is a great head wrap that is specifically made for women who lose their hair from chemo or other medical issues. You can order one for yourself if you are in treatment or you can send one to another person who may be going through illness. When you go online you pick three different color options and then one is sent to your home with a note card that is signed by those who made the "It's a Wrap" possible. My wrap is white, pink, and yellow. It is a fun and funky design and the material is really comfortable. Here is the great story behind the wrap:

"As a CEO of my own company and 20 years of experience in the fashion accessories industry under my belt, one of my most memorable moments came with a simple question asked by a loyal customer, Hillary, who had recently undergone chemotherapy. What did I have for someone who had lost the very thing that I had built much of my business around: Hair. I apologized and told her we did not carry anything of that nature, and then it hit me. Why not offer her something that in my view was arguably even more vibrant and beautiful? For years I had worked with the finest cotton and silk fabrics with the most beautiful and inspiring colors and designs. I offered to send Hillary a scarf at no charge. It was the least I could do for this woman who was just looking for a little something to make her feel pretty and feminine during a difficult time. At our staff meeting later that week, we took a moment for Hillary and we sent our very first scarf along with our good wishes for a quick recovery. It was at that time that the Good Wishes program was born." - Laurie Erickson, CEO/President, The Finest Accessories™ Inc.


I love to hear a story about someone who sees a challenge and quickly comes up with a solution. If you find yourself in need of a "It's a Wrap" or if you have a friend that is facing treatment that may cause them to having thinning or complete hair loss, please consider this product. I have already passed this info on to a few friends, but I like to pass it along to you. Here is the link to the website. http://www.goodwishesscarves.org/index.html

I had lunch with Rebekah (Bekah) and Bean on Thursday. Just a simple lunch at Panera. We sat outside, chatted and relaxed for a while. Tay wanted to leave for most of the lunch, but settled in nicely when she started going through all the jewelry that they had just purchased at Charming Charlie (aka. Crack Cocaine). Even at her young age she is loving all of the jewelry. It was great meeting them out. We talked about the restaurant they are opening, the kids going to school, the house they are building, etc. Rebekah is juggling so much right now and I appreciate that she has taken a small break to join me for lunch. She always has a great "kick ass" kind of attitude...the attitude that I need to remember to keep during the next several months.

Later in the evening I went to see my chiroprator. I haven't been to see him in months. I did tell him that I was going through chemo and bald when I made the appointment because I didn't want to shock him when I walked in the door. He was very funny about the whole thing. He made me comfortable the entire time that I was there and he was gentle on my body. To be honest, I'm not sure if I should have gone, but after 72 hours in bed I needed an adjustment. It's now on the list of things to ask Dr. Robinson when I see her next week.

Mom and I made a trip to Kohl's after my appointment. If you know my Mom, you know that her solution for all that ails you is a trip to Kohl's...especially when she has a 30% off coupon. Mom, there's a blizzard...oh, ok let's go to Kohl's. Mom, I'm short on money....oh, want to meet me at Kohl's? Mom, it's Monday...oh, Kohl's will solve the Monday blues. Mom, I'm feeling badly from chemo...oh, Kohl's will fix that. I'm getting to the point that I do not possibly need anything from Kohl's, but she buys often, so I can't resist the opportunity to shop! Maybe, Kohl's does fix somethings. And it is fun to see her face light up when the cashier tells her how much she has "saved". I think our trip tonight had a savings of $125 dollars when she spent $52! Big winners at Kohl's. It has also gotten to the point where Stephanie just looks at something I'm wearing and says "That's cute. Did you get it at Kohl's?" Yes, it's a Lauren Conrad, Jenny From the Block or a Vera Wang that was probabl 30% off!

Friday is spent working and then I head to the Pink Tea at Harrah's Casino. My friend Mary works there and has invited me to sit at her table. I had considered going earlier in the week, but I was afraid that it would be too emotional for me. I full two hours about breast cancer is not exactly what I feel like I need, but I decide to go. Well, Zara and I decide to go.  It is always fun to go back to Harrah's for a visit.  After 10.5 years of working there I get to see so many familiar faces, get lots of hugs, see people I haven't seen in a while and see friends that I still see but not enough these days.  The event has even more familiar faces in attendance.  Volunteers from ACS, survivors that I know from my journey, girls from TMMA, etc.  More hugs!  Zara is a huge hit.  Everybody likes her and a few people had no idea that I was wearing a wig. The event had a great educational feel to it.  A young breast cancer survivor for the MC, and two oncologists that talked about breast cancer, risks factors, new treatments, etc.  I took some notes about things that I have not heard of.  My body was hurting sitting in the chair.  It seems that the longer I sit, the harder it is to get moving.  The event lasted a couple of hours.

After the event, Mary and I head over to The Department to meet a friend, Phillip, for a drink.  He's in town from Cincinnati.  It is a beautiful day so we sit outside on the balcony, relax, catch up, and laugh.  You can never laugh enough!  Mary travels so often and I don't to see her enough.  The beer tasted good, but my body didn't agree.  I stayed for a little while and then headed on my way.

When I left the restaurant I had a call from the other Mary in my life.  She has made me dinner and was going to stop by.  Since I was out I decided I would stop by quickly.  I've spoken with Mary, but I haven't seen her since I was diagnosed.  Mary has been fighting cancer, so we understand each other.  It is great to see her and catch up.  She just returned from Florida with her kids, grandkids, etc.  A big family trip that meant the world to her.  She had been nervous about going, but said that she had a wonderful time.  I didn't stay too long because I wasn't feeling great and I couldn't wait to take Zara off!  I big hug from Mary and I was on my way.

It was a good end to a week.  Tired, but spent with people who care about me and who I care about deeply!  I laughed a lot this week...Laughing is out weighting crying, so that is a huge PLUS!

XOXO,

Sue

The "Hug for My Head"...I'll try to post some of me wearing it!  It is much cuter on!

Making Strides Against Breast Cancer Pink Tea 

If you or anyone you love is facing cancer PLEASE reach out to the American Cancer Society.  Nobody should face cancer alone.   http://www.cancer.org/  or 800.227.2345.   24 hours a day 365 days a year.  WE are here for you. 

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48 Hours in Bed With Round 1...Apparently I Can Top That With Round 2! - August 3-6

"Stars can't shine without darkness."

It's the Friday after my second round of chemo. I'm feeling well, working, and it is a beautiful, hot day. I need to head to the Loyola Homer location to get my Neulasta shot. This is the day I dread most, so far. My body and Neulasta are not friends. I fear the pain that may potentially come the next few days. It is still strange to me that chemo did not really make me sick the last round, but the Neulasta shot is kicking my butt.

I drive to the doctor's office while on a conference call for work and I have the sunroof open trying to get a little color on my head. My warped mind thinks that I may look healthy with a tan head...not super tan, but a healthy color. I put sunblock on before I leave the house, but a little color might perk me up. I finished the call when I arrived in the parking lot. The office is pretty close to my home and the shot takes minutes to get. I hopped out of my car without my hat on and walk towards the front door. When I'm walking in a Mom and her kids are walking out. All of the kids looked directly at my bald head and the oldest kid said to his Mom, "Hey. That lady doesn't have any hair." The mom didn't say a word. I simply thought "Hey, Mom...your kid doesn't have any manners!" A part of me wishes I would have said something. The kid appeared to be in about 8th grade. Even if he was tall for his age, he is still old enough to know better. Trust me, I don't expect people to be comfortable with me being bald. I'm not 100% comfortable and I've been living with it. But, I would hope that his Mom had a conversation with him when they got in their car. A lot of people have cancer. A lot of people are bald. Society has made strides since my first battle, but clearly, we still have room for growth. I would consider going bald more often if I thought others would be ok with it. As my friends and fellow cancer survivors, Nancy & Barb say "bald is beautiful!" Not the beauty that most are looking for, but something that I will not escape anytime soon, so I may as well get used to it.

I brushed off the kid's comment and headed in for my shot. One of my nurses from yesterday's chemo is there with Nurse Patty. I feel badly that I can't remember her name. She was raving about the cupcakes and told me that the wife of the man who was getting chemo with me licked the paper because she didn't want to waste anything! Nurse Patty asked where her cupcakes were. I'll have to bring some the next time I am there. They pull the Neulasta shot and they are literally warming it with the body heat of their hands. Kind of strange, but I guess this is what they do. Nurse Patty is still talking about how much she likes my bald head. In fact, a patient's wife comes out of their cubbie to see what I look like. She liked it too. It is great to get a confidence boost a few minutes after the encounter with the kid who needs manners! The nurse also had a lot of questions about my "large group" that was at chemo. She wanted to know if I always have three people with me. I laughed and said that I have the potential to have more because there were 5 at my first round. They are both impressed with my entourage!

The rest of the afternoon is spent working. After work I ran some errands to prepare for the weekend that may potentially be spent in bed. Once back at home I made some food for a Saturday at the pool with Steph, Cindi & Kim. The plan is for me to float in the pool to relieve the pain in my joints and bones. Early to bed on a Friday night...yep, living the single life!  A box arrived in the mail today...I received my first Vermont Teddy Bear and jammies!  So darn cute!  I have heard commercials for years, but I have never seen one in person.  They do exist!  The card says that he has a lifetime guarantee. If anything happens to the bear it will be replaced.  And they mean anything...now that's a great health plan!  Thank you to my WE..Colleen, Toni, and Neda.  What a fun gift!

Saturday morning is here and the pain is starting to become bad.. I finish making quinoa salad, Brussels sprouts, strawberry rhubarb pie, etc. Then I get a text from my friend Jenny to stop by Have To Have to see their new stock of winter hats. Seems like a good idea so I pack up my stuff and head to Plainfield. The pain is getting worse by the minute, but it is still manageable. Jenny brings out a huge box of hats that they just got in...I'm getting first pick and I have a gift card in hand! I found a cute light blue hat, pay, give Jenny a big hug and head towards Cindi's. On my way I stop at Dominick's to get some Claritin D that is supposed to help with the discomfort. The pharmacist is nice. He noticed that I don't have hair under my hat and asks what I'm "battling". We talk a few minutes about cancer. Then he needed my id to get the medicine. I laughed and told him "Yesterday I was able to get a narcotic (percocet) with just giving my name, but I get carded for allergy meds. Seems pretty backwards!" Clearly, I'm not going home to make meth with 12 Claritin D pills!  Luckily I found my license because I don't think he would have let me have them.

Next stop, Cindi's. At this point, the pain is really settling in. I have a hard time getting everything out of the car and into her house, but I manage. The stairs at her house are the hardest part. There are not a ton of them, but my bones and joints are not liking the ones that are there. We quickly put things away and head to the pool to take the weight off my body. I grab a few noodles and start floating. It feels good to be in the pool, but the pain is still coming on quickly. The four of us are just floating, talking, and enjoying the peace of the day. I don't remember the last time we were all there without the kids.  When it comes time for lunch I realize that I need help out of the pool. Here I am 41 years old and I need Kim's arm to help me manage my body of out the water. At this point my frustration with my body and my cancer is getting high. We all sit in the shade for lunch and have fun talking about life and eating healthy food. When it is time to clean up the girls tell me to get back in the pool. I get in the pool and they clean. While I started floating, my tears started falling. It bugs me that they are all doing "my job". I'm the one who usually helps clean up and put things away. They continue to clean and I continue to watch my tears fall into the pool. It was probably a combination of pain, anxiety, and frustration. When Kim gets in the pool she sees that I am upset and puts her hand on my back to console me. We talk a little about things, but it all is still difficult to to digest.

The girls grab my purse from the car so I can try the percocet. I haven't had any yet and I am a little nervous about what it will do to me. I couldn't find the pills and thought I left them at home. Finally, they found them in a different bag in the car. At this point a storm is rolling in and we need to get out of the pool. We go inside to relax and wait for my painkiller to work. Once it starts helping a little bit I realize that there are no crazy side effects that appear to be happening. The storm rolled in and I loved every minute of it...thunder, lightening, strong winds, rain. All followed by sunshine. Hopefully that is what this battle with breast cancer will be...a bad storm with sunshine.

I cried most of the way home. Not sobbing, but tears of sadness that there will be no true "normal" for a while. I head home around 5 PM and get into bed. Bed is where I stay until Tuesday morning. The pain is worse with round 2 than it was with my first batch of chemo. I don't sleep much, but I get the chance to watch a lot of the Olympics. The majority of my pain the first 24 hours is below my chest and mostly in my butt and legs. I spend time cuddling with Frank and "his" iPad, responding to emails, and catching up on Facebook. I can't really move without pain.

The Olympics are amazing to me. I don't know if it is because my situation or because it is just one of the best years that I have ever seen. The crowds are cheering and going crazy as Jessica Enis crosses the finish line and wins the gold for Great Britain. It looks like she had the weight of her country on her shoulders and she won! These athletes give up years of their lives to train. They definitely do not have a "normal".  I wonder if they miss "normal" as much as I do.

I have little to no sleep Saturday night into Sunday morning. The pain has gotten worse by the minute and I am not able to find a comfortable position. I'm up early watching the marathon and I imagine my body feels a little like I ran 26.2 miles without ever training. The pain has now extended into my arms, shoulders, and neck. 

As I continue to watch the marathon I think about Christine Kickels who recently registered to run the Chicago Marathon for the American Cancer Society DetermiNation program. 
http://determination.acsevents.org/site/PageServer?pagename=DN_FY11_home
She is running in my honor. I'm in awe that she would do this for me. It takes a lot of fundraising to run the marathon and she is doing it for the fight against cancer and the American Cancer Society. I'd never have the ability to run for myself, but she will carry my name with her. Thank you, Christine! I'm honored that you chose me and I am thankful that you will be raising funds to fight this darn disease.  I will do my best to be at the finish line when you cross it!  Please consider supporting Christine and the American Cancer Society.  You can donate on her page http://main.acsevents.org/site/TR/DetermiNation/DNFY11IL?px=29902728&pg=personal&fr_id=42914

People keep asking me what they can do for me...volunteer, donate, teach your kids the importance of volunteering, find your passion. It doesn't need to be my cause...it just needs to be something you are passionate about.

Mom and Dad stopped by a couple of times Sunday and Monday. Jenny Jones dropped off cherry cake donuts and a beautiful gift at my backdoor. Mom massaged my head, shoulders, feet, etc. at different times during the day. Frank doesn't leave my side.  Henry stops by to visit every so often.

I call in sick to work on Monday and continue my marathon days in bed. I am in bed, in pain from Saturday evening until Tuesday morning. The painkillers did not work very well.  Neulasta may need to be eliminated from my plan.

I feel like I'm living with a 95 year old man. I get a glimpse of him every time that I walk through the bathroom...there's a little bald person who cannot stand up straight and walks like everything hurts...oh wait...that's me.

XOXO,

S

The Vermont Teddy Bear...it comes with matching jammies for me!  So darn cute!

Me and Jenny at the Head Shaving 'Party".  Love you, JJ!

Frank cuddling with me!  

Frank trying to sleep and a few inches away from his iPad pillow.

Henry on my sock monkey pillow from Barb.  

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I Need To Find a New Bartender! These Cocktails Taste Terrible - Round 2 - August 2, 2012

"Something will grow from all this...and it will be me."

Up and at 'em early today. It's the best I have felt in weeks. Pretty odd to think that when I know that Round 2 of chemo is just a few short hours away. I'm in a good mood, but a little anxious today. I worked late last night because in my mind today is Wednesday, August 1st...I missed a project deadline because of my lack of remembering the days and dates. I hate missing deadlines, but I can't change what happened and I stayed up late to get the info in. Fortunately, others forgot. That doesn't make it right, but it makes me remember that we all make mistakes.

I start the day by packing my bag of goodies for my entourage at chemo. A few books, cherry cake donuts, angel cream donut for Chris, candy, CUPCAKES, etc. The bag weighs a ton, but I want to make sure that everyone has treats and reading materials. I get a few hours of work done before I head to my parent's house to pick up Mom. Quick stop in to see the new kitty and then we were on our way. This is my first time going to the Loyola Wheaton location. It is perfectly placed near a Whole Foods, good restaurants, and shopping. We stop at Whole Foods to get additional snacks for the day.

The facility is small and easy to navigate. There are a bunch of Mom's with their kids there to see their doctors and then there's me and my bald head to see my doctor. We were just getting settled to wait when my doctor was walking through the front door. This is the first time she has seen me without hair, but she recognized me right away. A few minutes later I was in with her for my checkup before treatment.

Have I mentioned how much I like my doctor? We truly are partners in all that is happening. We initially spoke about the pain that I was in from the last round and my issues with the port. The decision is made that I will continue with the Neulasta shot and my pain meds will be changed. I'm going to to try Percocet and Claritin D to manage the pain that will come over the next several days. Percocet is a narcotic pain reliever used to treat moderate to severe pain. At this point I am willing to try anything that will keep me from staying in bed for multiple days. I know that I have cancer, I expect to be sick from treatment, but I still want to have a level of quality of life. Once we figure out the meds she does an exam. While sitting on the table I start asking the list of questions that I have been keeping in my notes of my iPhone. First, "when will I be able to have surgery?" She thinks I should be ready for surgery in early December. So, I should have new boobs for Christmas. Next question is "What if chemo isn't working? What if we are leaving the cancer in there and it is growing because chemo isn't doing it's job?" The biggest mind challenge that I am having with my second journey with breast cancer is that I am living with the cancer still in me. Last time I was diagnosed on a Wednesday and the cancer was removed the next Monday. Now I have a large tumor in my left breast and many large lymph nodes. I worry nonstop about this. My breast still hurts and is still large. I know that the chemo is being used to shrink the cancer, but what if it is not working? Will I do additional tests to see what is happening along the way? She understands my concerns. She "gets" me. Her first question for me is "do you feel that it has changed?" I say "no". So she did her exam on me. For a tiny lady she is definitely not gentle. She gets in there and she gets deep to feel all of my breast tissue and lymph nodes on both sides. After she feels my left side she says "You're crazy! It is definitely getting smaller." I have to trust that she knows what she's doing and that her hands are telling the truth. I do trust her, but I don't trust the cancer. We chatted a few minutes longer and then I remembered to tell her that I started my period. Chemo will potentially cause me to go into meneoause, but it hasn't yet. We then talk about the drug that would stop my period, but there is no promise that it would come back. I could hardly say a word at this point and tears were welling up in my eyes. I still have not accepted the fact that I will more than likely lose my fertility for good through this journey. Tears rolled down my face as I told her that I would like to not take the drug and allow everything to happen naturally. Chemo may take my fertility, but I would not be the one to choose a drug that would cause me to lose hope for the possibility of a child in the future. Maybe, just maybe, I will be a Mom someday. I'm 41 years old, I'm not dating anyone, I have cancer, but I cannot give up that hope...I'm not ready to give my fertility to this damn disease. Dr. Robinson grabbed me some tissues and she supports my decision. She also said that I should't give up the possibilities of what the future may hold. She then reminded me that it is important that I do not have the risk of getting pregnant on chemo. I laughed and reminded her that I'm bald and have cancer...not the best combination for dating. I'm not very good at dating when I'm well, it is certainly not on my radar now.

Next she started asking me about my job with the American Cancer Society. She had been involved with our Associate Board before life got to busy with her two kids and she still has a great interest in what we do at ACS. She is mostly interested in fundraising and the acquisition of large donations. She wants to follow someone when they do these asks and she wants to get involved again in the future. I love the fact that she was thinking about this over the past couple of weeks. I like the fact that she is taking interest in my life. I'm not even sure my last oncologist knew my name. I am sure that Dr. Robinson would be a great asset to attend any conversation around raising funds for the fight against cancer.

When I am done meeting with the doctor I go back to the waiting room to collect my things and move my party to the infusion center. Mom is there with Cindi and my sister. Just a party of 4 today. I say my hellos and then I had to ask Cindi to do me a favor. I forgot to bring personal products and need her to run and buy me some. I pull out money and she waves it off. I handed it to her and said "you're not buying my tampons." She laughs and tells me that as my "life partner" she should be able to by my tampons for me. We all laugh and I make her take my money...it would just be weird to have her pay. While she runs to Walgreens we go to the infusion area to get ready for "cocktails". The area is small, but nice. Plenty of room for my entourage, windows that look out to a grassy area and what appears to be a school or daycare playground, a larger tv, a big (somewhat) comfy chair for me, and one chair for my guest. When the nurses see that I have a crowd they immediately start moving things around and adding chairs so we can all be comfy. I started getting items out of my bag for the day. Donuts, drinks, oil for my dry scalp, and the cupcakes that were delivered on Tuesday. Not all the cupcakes...I'm nice, but not stupid. I had to try a couple and leave a couple at home. There were only two others getting chemo when I started and one guest, so Mom offered cupcakes to all of them. I brought cute napkins and plasticware just in case. The nurses and one patient took a cupcake. Thee cupcakes put a smile on their face.

Once we were settled in and had fully taken over the area it was time to get started. Nurse Lisa took my tempeture, blood pressure, gave me Benedryl, etc. She then had to pull the bandages off my port to prepare for chemo. The line is flushed and my first "cocktails" is started...it is just "water"/fluids to prep my system for the "good" stuff. Then Lisa goes to get my chemo that will be the net step.

While my chemo is getting prepared I pulled out a present that needs to be opened. My friend Bonita and her family moved to Utah, but she wanted to be a part of the journey. Last week I received a box full of wrapped boxes with cards attached to them. The main card says the goodie box was designed with me in mind. The box contains one gift for each of my chemo days and one for today. The first that I opened last week is a book that is called "Here's To You". It is a beautiful book with a great note from Bonita inside. How thoughtful of her to put this box together. While I may have opened and rewrapped Christmas gifts as a kid, I will definitely save these gifts to cheer me up along the journey. I love the idea and I know that I will use it some day. Today's card says "Since you can't wear Zara in the kitchen I thought you might enjoy a little something to fancy you up!" Today's chemo surprise is a beautiful apron. I love aprons!! What a great surprise! Thank you, Bonita. You are here in spirit and I appreciate your support. Miss you tons!!

Round #2 with my apron from Bonita!

Cindi gets back to the infusion center and sees me in the apron. She was a little confused until I explained what had happened. We are all sitting around chatting when Cindi and I get a text from Steph.

Steph: How are the cocktails today??!! Missing being there. I hope Cindi decorated as nicely for you." (Steph brought a vase and roses to sit on the table for my first round of chemo)

Cindi: F off!!

Cindi: Here is my centerpiece (she then takes out the box and puts it on the table for a picture)

The centerpiece for Round #2... :)

We were crying laughing at this point. Fotunately, there is a curtain between us and the rest of the crowd. The scene was priceless.

Nurse Lisa came back shortly with my first real "cocktail". She presented the bag like it was a fine bottle of wine. I checked my name, birthdate, and the medicine and simply replied "I don't think this is the cocktail I ordered." She laughed and started attaching the bag and getting me ready to start the second round of drugs. Both of the nurses are really friendly. I think they like my crew and they definitely like the cupcakes. Shortly after I start, my doctor walks through the infusion area. She did a few things and then came over to talk. We were all just sitting and chatting like I wasn't getting poisoned at the same time. We were talking about life. She looked at the cupcakes and asked a lot of questions, but she wouldn't take one...that's why she's skinny! She told us about her kids. An 8 year old daughter and a 5 year old son. She talked about the fact that she doesn't cook or bake, so she has a lot in common with Cindi. She had a great story about ordering in Thanksgiving dinner and her Mother-in-Law thought she made everything. She hung out with us for about 15 minutes. It was great getting to see the "person side" of my doctor. She's 43 and we have things in common. She could probably have been a Diva if we all went to college together!

Mom brought a little bag with her that had foot massage stuff in it. She's obsessed with how gross and dry my feet are. I've workedout barefoot for the past 2.5 years and my feet are beat up from it. So she does a complete foot massage while I'm sitting in the chair getting chemo. The whole thing is kind of strange to me and definitely embarrassing, but it felt pretty good. My doctor isn't crazy about me getting manis and pedis, but somethings will not be negotiable on my end. I'll be safe, go to clean locations, make sure that everything is fresh, etc. Pedis keep me sane! I need to stay sane through this whole thing!

Mom and Chris did a quick lunch run for me. A slice of pizza from Whole Foods. The amount of food that was being eaten in my corner was a little crazy! Donuts, cupcakes, watermelon, pizza and a chicken salad wrap...all by my Mom and sister. Chemo is making me fluffy and it may have the same impact on them if we are not careful. I'll have to pack carrot sticks and celery for round three.

While they were gone I must have went to the bathroom 5 times. Cindi was in disbelief each time I stood to go again and again. Sometimes I would just sit down and get right back up to go. If you know me at all, have gone out to dinner with me, or we've been in a meeting together, you know that this is pretty normal behavior for me. I have a blatter the size of a pea. I've blamed it on the first batch of chemo years ago. I really hope it wasn't from chemo or I may be in trouble when this is all done. I may spend even more time in the bathroom. UGH!! When you go to the bathroom during chemo you have to unplug your IV machine, shuffle over taking everything with you, and then negotiate it all in the bathroom. Same steps in reverse when you come out. Then you plug yourself in and keep going. I'd probably get done with chemo a lot faster if my blatter would cooperate. The sad thing that I notice each trip to the bathroom is that there are two others getting chemo at this point and they are both alone. One lady in her 50's or 60's and a gentleman about the same age. It makes me sad to see that they are there by themselves. I had three people with me. I could have shared. I can't imagine having to sit there by myself. I've had a total of 10 rounds of chemo in my life at this point and my Mom has been by my side each time. I've had 37 rounds of radiation in my life so far and my Mom was in the waiting room each time. WE travel in packs when it comes to my battles with cancer. I'm a very lucky girl.

After we finished eating my Mom went to sit on the couch. Cindi and I were chatting and making plans to meet Kim for dinner later in the evening. The strange thing about the day I get chemo is that I feel pretty good. It takes some time for the medicine to start kicking my butt. I'm texting Kim thinking that I have about an hour left of chemo, we decide to meet at La Mex after 6. Next thing I know, I'm done. The hour that I thought I had was about 5 minutes. To be honest, it all went much faster today. The smaller location is a perfect match for me and my crew.

Once everything is removed and my next 4 steps of appointments are made we head home. The actual infusion part of chemo will only takes 1.5 hours, so this is a very good thing.

2 DOWN...4 TO GO!


I dropped Mom off, visited the kitties, and then headed home to drop some things off before I headed to La Mex. On my counter were beautiful flowers from some my work WE...Staci, Keri, and Mandie. A little something to brighten my day! ;) Again, I have great people in my life.  Another sign of HOPE in my life is literally a sigh that I can hang in my office.  It came from Jennifer and Giada.  They got the idea from Pinterest...I LOVE Pinterest and I LOVE that they took they time to do this project together and gave me the honor of benefiting from their creativity!

Next stop, La Mex with Kim and Cindi. Just a simple night with guac, chips, and a Sprite for me...half price margaritas and I had to order a Sprite. :( Kim needs us tonight and we go when needed. That's what we do when we can...we go when we are needed...we rally the troops. Some times the troops are small, but WE always rally. That's what's great about my girlfriends. One or more are always availble when someone needs a shoulder to lean on, someone to celebrate, someone to help, etc. WE RALLY.

To be honest, it felt great to be needed tonight. Nobody seems to be telling me what challenges they are facing these days and I feel like they are sheltering me. I don't want to be sheltered. I've known the good, the bad, and the ugly for years...cancer should not take that away. I like to be the sounding board. I like to be the one you lean on. I know you feel like you don't want to add things to my plate and you don't want to tell me your struggles, but I need that little bit of normal. I need to be the same friend that I have always been to you. I need you to trust that your lives are important to me and cancer will NEVER change that.

XOXO,

S

A little extra HOPE from Jennifer & Giada!  So sweet!  Thanks!  ;)

If you or anyone you love is facing cancer PLEASE reach out to the American Cancer Society.  Nobody should face cancer alone.   http://www.cancer.org/  or 800.227.2345.   24 hours a day 365 days a year.  WE are here for you.

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