Your Heart and My Heart Are Very, Very Old Friends - August 1, 2012

"We'll be friends 'til we're old & senile...then we'll be new friends again."

I double checked the date before I posted the blog title. You see, I keep messing up on what day it is. In my mind it is July 31, but it's actually August 1...this will come in to play often today. Lately, I have not been doing a very good job of keeping track of my days. It is easy when you are working 5 days a week and have 2 days off, but when you are taking PTO or FMLA for doctor appointments, etc. you get a little confused. Well, I get a little confused.

Today is WEDNESDAY, August 1. My day starts off with steroids and an early morning conference call. We scheduled the calls for 8 AM so that we could all focus on our daily work once the clock strikes 9. I have not been pulling my weight with this group. I know they understand, but they all have things happening in their lives and now my absence is causing more work on their plates. I would do anything for all of them, but I hate that my cancer is impacting their workloads. I am driving to a blood draw at the Loyola facility in Homer and taking the call from the car. We are still in full conversation when I walk into the office, so I am trying to not speak too loudly. I listened to the call, put the phone on mute, checked in, and took a seat. I stayed on the call while getting weighed. I was happy to see that I haven't gained as much weight as I feared, but can still tell that I am getting flabby around the middle. Still on the call I took a seat in my cubicle to wait to get my blood drawn. I fully participated until Lisa was coming my way in a mask with a needle in hand...time to go!!

This is the first time that they are using my port for a blood draw. The same port that is causing me nothing but itching! I am surprised at how much it hurts when the insert the line and draw the blood. I really must do more research on the port. It was "sold" as one stop super store to make things easier, but it seems more like a broken down gas station that has full service pumps without anyone working. I had no idea that a line would be inserted and that I would be leaving with that line still attached. It caused discomfort all day long, I couldn't itch my port, and I had trouble getting comfortable. The concept of a port is amazing and I truly believe that it is the right decision for most, but I'm not so sure that I am buying what they're selling. The blood draw went quickly and I met Lisa who will be my "bartender" for "cocktails" tomorrow. I told her that I am bringing cupcakes to chemo and she seems excited.

The rest of the day is spent working. I feel like I have been accomplishing a lot the past few days. These have been the only days that I actually feel well. Chemo kicks me down for a week, kind of lets me stand a little for a week, allows me to feel well/normal a week, then starts the cycle over again. This is my normal week. Well, as normal as a bald girl with cancer can be. During the entire time I can feel the fatigue setting in, but this week I am trying to fight it a bit.

My friend, Jennifer, sent me text today asking how I am feeling where I get my cherry cake donuts. I replied by telling her that I am feeling ok and then proceed to tell her that she cannot eat cherry cake donuts! Jennifer had a heart attack a few months ago and is supposed to be on a special diet. I'm almost 100% sure that fried, cherry cake donuts are not on her list. She replied that they are for the kids because they are getting ready to go to Michigan for the weekend. We exchanged a few more emails and I suggested other great donuts to add to the dozens. Then we decided we would meet for dinner at Truth because it is across the street from my donut place. We chose 5:45, but I know she will be late. ;)

Jennifer and I have been friends since we were 4 years old. We were BFFs before the acronym existed. We grew up a house and a road away from each other, we had the same last name but were not related, we took dance together, played Barbi's together, fought like sisters, road bikes, had sleep overs, etc. We were pretty much inseparable as kids. We didn't go to the same schools, so we inevitably went our separate ways, but always stayed friends. I was wearing Jennifer bathing suit when I went through a windshield at 16 and still remember that I wouldn't let the hospital cut it off me. Shortly after our senior year in college Jennifer found out that she was pregnant and I was honored to be asked to be Taylore's Godmother. Taylore is now 18 and getting ready to head off to college. Jennifer and I had several years of not being as close because I didn't care for the way that her ex treated her, but we were the stronger relationship in that bunch and our friendship prevailed when the marriage did not. I have just always thought that Jennifer deserved the best in the world and a true partner in a relationship, so I had a difficult time supporting one that was far from favorable. Please know that I was never silent about my opinions of the situation.  When she called to ask me to be in her wedding I simply asked "Who are you marrying?"  I had high hopes that she met someone else.  Maybe I should have been nicer about it, but true friends stick up for what they believe in. Jennifer has two awesome daughters, Taylore and Kaitlyn, that give her a run for her money. :) She has played the role of Mom, Dad, breadwinner, caregiver, teacher, coach, etc. She did it all while carving out a career that she can be proud of. There have been a lot of bumps along the way, but she's on top and in a great place. She has a strong relationship with a great guy, two smart & beautiful girls that have grown too quickly, and we are still good friends through it all.

Jennifer got lost on the way to Truth and had to call me for direction. I had some time to visit with Kate. Kate and her husband own Truth. It is one of my favorite restaurants in town and they have the best martinis. Kate was a couple of years older than me in high school, we worked together at a restaurant while I was in college, and I have been a customer at Truth for years. Kate is also a part of my TMMA WE. She has worked out on the bag behind me for the past year or so. She's not a morning person, so it was always funny to hear her raspy voice at 5:45 AM...laughing, swearing, whatever it takes to make it through kickboxing at the crack of dawn! Kate is just one of those people who has the knack of making me smile. She has a great work ethic with a dish of "what the f$#c" on the side. I didn't check with her tonight, but Kate gave up smoking in the Spring. She finally chose to make a huge step for her health and I couldn't be more proud of her. Kate and her family are also no strangers to cancer. Her sister lost her battle with breast cancer in the Spring. Kate has shown amazing grace during this difficult time. I pray for her and her family often.

Kate and I spend some time catching up what has been happening. I feel like I haven't seen her in ages, so it is just good to chat and hear all of the things that are happening at the gym. And, of course, I checked to see who has been working out on "my" bag. She's been golfing, running, enjoying the summer. This makes me feel like I haven't missed much at TMMA, so I'm a little happy. We laughed. Kate has a great laugh and it felt good to laugh with her. Plus,

Jennifer arrived and we sat and talked. I had said I would only stay an hour, but we stayed for two. We talked about everything. We talked more in depth tonight than we have in ages. We covered every topic from the kids, to her parents, to her brother, to Thee Floyd's beer, to tuna, to blue cheese, to her heart attack, my cancer...we just talked. The good thing about our friendship is that it has lasted for 37 years and it isn't going anywhere! Who would think that by the age of 41 we would have gone through a very premature baby, a handful of a teenager, breast cancer twice, a stroke, and a heart attack...maybe it was the water or the mud pies when we were kids. I'm sure that we are not done being tested and I am confident that we will be there to pick the other one up every time we fall.

We left Truth and headed across the street to Home Cut Donuts. Jennifer has never been there and I don't remember a time that I haven't gone there. The lady behind the counter has worked there for 41 years...as long as we have been alive. Jen decides she wants 2 dozen and we start picking out the donuts. She, Jim, and the kids will enjoy them on their drive to Michigan in the morning. After she had her donuts I ordered mine. Fortunately, there were a couple of cherry cake donuts left or I would have had to take some from her boxes. We gathered our stuff and headed to our cars. We gave each other a long hug goodbye and both had tears in our eyes. I said, "don't cry. I'm going to be ok." Jennifer replied, "Susie, I know you're going to be ok. There is not one ounce of me that doesn't think you are going to be ok." Words I needed to hear and words that I need to believe. There we were in the Home Cut Donut parking lot hugging, crying, and being old friends. We said our goodbyes, got in our cars, and headed our different directions. I cried on my way home because I have a friend of 37 years. Because I know that we are both going to be ok.

XOXO,

S

A collage that Jennifer made me as a kid.  It is in my living room case with my pictures on display

Our first day of kindergarten

At a dance recital. I was the Dutch girl and she was the Dutch boy...she wasn't happy about it.
Pretty sure she is pouting in this picture!  ;)

Kaitlyn, Jennifer and Taylore

Bob, me, Jim, and Jennifer this past St. Patrick's Day.

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