So, This is What a Being a Stormtrooper Feels Like - July 10, 2012!

"I'm a strong girl who keeps her stuff in line.  Even when I have tears going down on my face, I always manage to say these two words; I'M FINE!"


The next two days are going to feel like they may not end.  I have a lot to accomplish, a tight schedule, and I am a nervous wreck.  This morning started around 4:45 AM.  A shower, a quick bite to eat, Mom's arrival at 5:30 AM, and a drive to Silver Cross Hospital.  First stop, Imaging.  I will be starting my day with a 6 AM brain MRI and a liver MRI.  Sean from MRI came to get me in the waiting room and brought me to change and get ready to the tests.  All of the tests, scans, injections, poking and prodding is exhausting, but I know that we still need answers.  An IV is started, ear plugs are inserted and I have to lie on the MRI table with my head in this contraption.  MRIs are so loud and the noises are straight out of a soundboard for a SciFi movie.  While laying there with my head inside the "mask" I completely felt like I could be a Stormtrooper from Star Wars.  For some reason I just thought that it may be the same feel or view that one would have with a Stormtrooper costume on. Odd, but true.  This scan took about 20 minutes with a lot of holding my breath and breathing when told.  Sean is over the intercom while I am in the machine.  Next, he came in to have me switch tables.  I asked if he was able to tell if I actually have a brain.  He answered a very direct "yes".  Clearly he found no humor in my silly question.  Or maybe it was just too early.  The liver MRI is up next.  Apparently, they typically do not do these tests at the same time, but they all knew that I was limited in the time I had to get these tests done.  The liver MRI is being done because I have a small spot on my liver and we need to try to figure out what it is.  This test lasted about the same time with the same amount of noise.  Then back to the brain MRI table for more testing.  Finally, I was done and ready to head to my 9 Am Chemo class with all my scans in hand for the doctor to view.


Yes, I said Chemo Class.  Of course, I think this is a terrible use of my time, but I have to take it in order to start chemo tomorrow.  Mom and I head to Loyola for class.  We arrive with time to spare, so we take a few minutes to look at wigs in their wig boutique.  I was in a good frame of mind, so trying on wigs didn't seem all that bad.  I found a scarf that I liked and we made a purchase.  While I was waiting for class to begin my sister, Chris, arrived to keep Mom company for the day.  We were going to be here a several hours because I have a biopsy on my lymph nodes at 11:00.  We were all joking and making the best of the situation.  When I went into chemo class I was in a good place and good mood.  Made some jokes along the way.  Jokes, almost passing out and being perky have become three of my many defense mechanisms.  Patty started teaching the class and she knew what we were all there for.  There were 3 men and me who were preparing to start chemo.  One of the men brought his daughter to class with him.  The man across from me was unable to speak because of the very large tumor that appears to have taken over is lower face and neck area, the man to the left was going to be starting trial drugs, and the man with his daughter has advanced prostate cancer and is in complete denial of the battle that he has in front of him.  Out of the 4 of us, I have the opportunity for the best outcome.  Many of the resources that they gave of were from ACS, so that was comforting and I made sure to leave the ones that I already have.  Patty talked about the binder that she gave us and mentioned that there were certificates for free haircuts and pedicures in the boutique.  I quickly said "gentlemen, feel free to hand over your pedicures if you're not going to use them."  The man across from me slid his over and the daughter commented on how well I was taking the fact that I would be undergoing chemo again.  Little does she know that I am terrified.  Then Patty started a video, also supplied by the ACS, but one I've not seen before.  It goes through what to expect during chemo.  I was doing well with the class and video until it started to discuss the infertility that will be caused by treatment.  I started crying and couldn't stop.  It was a quite cry, but I'm sure they all noticed.  I'll talk about this issue at a later time on the blog.  I am just not ready to cross that bridge just yet.  Tissues were handed to me, class was dismissed, and I think I 'passed'.


Next stop, grab Mom and Chris and head to a different building for a biopsy.  My breast has been biopsied, but I still need to have my lymph nodes done.  We are on-time for the appointment, but I am quickly told that they are running about 30 minutes behind and they gave me a $5 card for the snack bar.  Works for me because I'm hungry.  We waited an additional 2 hours!  I must have went to the bathroom 10 times out of nerves.  Cindi text to see who was with me and I said "the twins".  My mom and sister are so much alike.  They look alike, dress alike, and have similar interests.   I sent Cindi this picture and she reminded me that I will look just like them when my hair starts growing back!  Well played, Cindi.  Well played!!  :)

Finally, I am called in for the biopsy.  I wasn't sure what to expect.  First I changed into a hospital gown and then headed in to a small room that was very dim.  There was a table, ultrasound machine, and a tech to get things started.  She had my lie on the table in a strange position and the started the ultrasound to see the lymph nodes.  They were easy for find because they are large from cancer.  Next the doctor and 2 other nurses arrive in the room.  Five of us in a room made for two.  The doctor is sweet, and seemed somewhat shy.  I hope she knows what she is doing!  She explained the procedure and then we got started.  First she had to prep the area, then a few shots that hurt like hell, and the she prepared to take the core biopsies of the nodes.  The shots made the area numb, so the pain of the biopsy will not come until later.  I was able to watch the entire process on the ultrasound machine screen.  It was actually pretty interesting.  She cut a small slit in my armpit, and then she took the core needle, inserted it into the node and a clicking sound would happen where she would collect the tissue.  I was able to watch it insert and see it collect the tissue on the screen.  She did this 6-7 times.  Then she added a stitch, a bandage and I was done.  Well, I thought I was done.  I was then moved to the mammography room with Ramona and two of the nurses that were with me for the biopsy.  Yes, they are planning on giving me a mammogram at this point.  Did they forget that they were just in there digging around??  Did they forget that I just had a lumpectomy??  This must be a mistake.  Well, it wasn't a mistake.  This is what they do after the procedure.  Ramona was a little lady, but not gentle at all.  She moved me around, squeezed my breast, put it on the machine, started to smash it between the plates and told me to hold my breath.  Really, Ramona, do you think I can breathe right now??  You are trying to kill me slowly with this process.  First try complete, but I failed!!  Unfortunately, I moved and Ramona was NOT happy.  She came around and was even rougher than the first try.  Second try, I passed!  THANK GOD!!  Now get me away from this crazy woman.  

Next stop the mammogram holding room to wait. While in there I was at least 20 years younger than any of the other women.  This is pretty typical and they always look at me funny and they always feel compelled to speak with me.  I really need to stop making eye contact!  One lady decided to tell me that it looks like I'm getting my first mammo and I shouldn't worry because it is so fast and easy.  I acknowledged her, but didn't say a word.  She then said that I was lucky because I'm young and I haven't had to do this as many times as the rest of them have.  Really lady???  Who do you think you are?  You don't know me!  I simply stated that I have been doing them since I was first diagnosed with breast cancer over 11 years ago and I've had two in the past two weeks since my cancer came back.  She stopped talking to me, but didn't stop staring.  Thankfully, the nurse came in, gave me some additional ice packs and sent me on my way.  It's 3 PM and we are finally done with a day of poking and prodding!!!  

Next stop...a wig....

XOXO, 

S

If you or anyone you love is facing cancer PLEASE reach out to the American Cancer Society.  Nobody should face cancer alone.   http://www.cancer.org/  or 800.227.2345.   24 hours a day 365 days a year.  WE are here for you.